Hello, I am the guy who runs the social media accounts for your local craft distillery, and I want you to know that I can photograph bottles from every angle. Really.

I can do it from all the angles you can think of. I’ve photographed bottles from straight away, slightly to the left, slightly to the right, more to the left, more to the right, all the way to the left, all the way to the right, above so that you only see the top of the bottle and then down through the hole, slightly above and to the right, slightly above and to the left. I have photographed bottles all those ways and more. I have photographed them from above straight on, below table-level straight on, below table-level and to the right, below table-level and to the left.

Yes, but I can photograph bottles from other angles too.

I can photograph them from straight away with the bottle centered, straight away with the bottle slightly off-center to the left, straight away with the bottle slightly off-center to the right, even from behind where you can’t see the label if you would like.

I also can photograph bottles in different settings. I can photograph bottles in a bar, on a porch, in a field, on a stump in a field, on a stump in the woods, in a man’s hand, in a woman’s hand, beside a dog, on the tailgate of a truck, in a gift bag with just the top sticking out, in a liquor cabinet, on a liquor cart, behind a building, in a parking lot, in an alley (different from behind a building), next to an American flag, in the hands of soldiers, in a vacant lot, beside where that antique store was that burned down a few years ago, on a sidewalk, on a table next to a television personality like local weatherman Tom Whitfield, beside a different breed of dog as the one before, at a horse race, in a luxury hotel room, in a less nice motel room, in a botel room (a boat that’s been converted into a hotel/restaurant), next to other bottles that are not in focus.

I do more though. I can also create captions for my photographs. I have created such captions as, “Cheers,” “Here’s to our heroes,” “Man’s best friend,” “Let’s celebrate,” “Make this Father’s Day one he’ll never forget,” “There’s always something to celebrate,” “Drink up,” “All gave some, and some gave all,” “To mom,” “Friends,” “Good times with good friends,” “Time flies,” “Aged 7 years,” “Some things are worth the wait,” “Some things matter,” “You’re never too old for a little fun,” “The happy couple just got a little happier,” “Local weatherman Tom Whitfield toasts you,” “A toast,” “*Clink*,” “#Clink,” “Bury the hatchet,” “Good times, good friends, and great bourbon,” “Aloha from Tennessee.”

People ask me all the time: “Brendon, where does this passion for photographing bottles come from?” My father left when I was eight, and the last thing he said to me was, “Boy, I want you to work hard and become the best darn craft distillery social media coordinator this world’s ever seen, but I’ll tell you right now that means you’ve got be perfect when you photograph bottles.” I woke up the next day and got a job on the assembly line because I knew that was the only way I could afford design school. I worked my way through the Savannah College of Art and Design receiving my degree in photography with an emphasis in bottles. So I guess you could say I’m pretty serious.

As for my work, this is only the tip of the iceberg. You cannot imagine what I can do with filters, but I’ll cover that another time. I’ve given you enough for now.

Until next time. (See? Now that’s a good caption.)