So there’s been about 7 seasons, maybe 8 seasons, of Game of Thrones? I’m not sure. I just know there’s been quite a few seasons and a new one just started.

As you can probably tell, I have never watched Game of Thrones. Yeah, I’m that one guy who hasn’t seen a single episode. From what I’ve heard, it’s about to end though? There’s only two more seasons left, right?

So, I don’t know if I should start watching it. I also don’t know if I should let George R.R. Martin out of this chokehold.

I don’t really understand if George R.R. Martin has any legitimate judo experience or why there’s such an enormous Game of Thrones craze.

To be honest, I don’t really get what the big deal is about this “once-in-a-generation phenomenon.” How good could this TV show really be? I remember people were talking about the season premiere like it was the Super Bowl, which, to me, is insane. I don’t know how there could be that much fandom over a TV show.

I also still don’t know if I should let George R.R. Martin out of this rear naked chokehold either. Why? Because George R.R. Martin signed up for an 8-week Advanced Judo class, then didn’t even put up a fight when I wrestled him to the ground and grappled him into a classic figure-four hold. I’m pretty sure George R.R. Martin lied about how much time he's spent studying judo and I want him to pay for it.

Games of Thrones choking

Speaking of time, the biggest thing that’s holding me back from starting Game of Thrones is the time commitment. It would be at least 70 to 80 hours of TV. I don’t know if I’m ready to do that or if I'm ready to let George R.R. Martin out of this bloodchoke even though his face is turning purple now.

I mean the guy took the time to drive out to our Judo school, probably an hour away or further from his home, and didn’t even bother trying to defend himself when I submitted him into a simple single wing choke. All I could see was that classic “uh oh” expression smeared across his face. “Uh oh” isn’t a reaction you have during judo. It’s embarrassing.

George R.R. Martin clearly wasn’t prepared for an Advanced Judo class.

Even though I don’t really understand if George R.R. Martin has any legitimate judo experience or why there’s such an enormous Game of Thrones craze, I still feel like I’m missing out on a cultural spectacle. I had a few people text me to come over and watch the season premiere of Game of Thrones and I hated that I had to send them the “I don’t watch Game of Thrones and I think I’m going to kill George R.R. Martin” text. It’s always a little bit humiliating.

George RR Martin pondering with his hand on his beardAnyways, I’m considering watching Game of Thrones, mostly because I’m tired of hearing the same old, “Oh my god. I don’t believe that you don’t watch Game of Thrones! How are we even friends?!” reactions, which are mostly coming from George R.R. Martin, who I let out of the chokehold just as he was taking his final breath.

It turns out George had clumsily walked into the wrong class; he did sign up for Beginner Judo.

Someone else has him in a chokehold now though, but I think that’s because he just spoiled the end of Game of Thrones.

The Second City 10% off discount for comedy classes is back! Enter code "PIC" at checkout online for any multi-week or drop-in class.
Interested in earning a living in comedy? Scott Dikkers, founding editor of The Onion, created Comedy Business School to teach you how to do it.