I’m a Movie Villain and Here Are 40 Reasons We’re Not So Different, You and I
I murdered your wife, and you got pretty mad at me for doing that. We’ll call that one a tie. We’re both people!
Tag: Fights
Buddy, You Went and Messed with the Right Guy
Are you fucking with me? Because if you are, I swear to God that, with ZERO hesitation, I will absolutely let you do that.
It’s the Third Act of Our Action Movie and the Perfect Time to Ride a Ferris Wheel
I assure you that there is no better place to be than in a rickety metal porch swing slowly ascending to the sky!
The Superhero Known as The Vegan Fends Off Home Invaders
“Vegan! Give us ze classified recipes and ve vill let you live!” The Vegan’s former best friend-turned-nemesis, General Draganov, shouts.
How to Combat Your Internalized Misogyny in the Form of a Horrible Little Gremlin
Fight back by repeating daily affirmations—"I am good enough"—or by taking off a shoe and whipping it at the gremlin’s head.
I Actually Do Have Time for Your Sick Little Games
I’ve since had a cancellation, opening a slot when I actually COULD play one of your sick little games.
Emily Post’s Etiquette Advice for a Knife Fight
Miss Manners will endeavor to offer advice which she hopes will help you be the perfect guest at your knife fight, and as well as keep you alive.
The 5 Best Chobani Yogurt Flavors That Helped Me Beat Up My Step-Dad
I thought the mixed berry would pair well with the mix of emotions I had been feeling since my mom married her long-time boyfriend, Alfonso Matrioni.
My Kid Took Karate Lessons and Now I’m Scared of Him
He’s always asked me to watch his new “moves” even before karate classes, but now I can’t help but feel like this display is meant to assert dominance.
Email from Invading Aliens Accidentally Sent to My Inbox
We parked our vehicle in several spots over the two-week period. No matter which spot we occupied, a human would tell us we were in “their spot.”
How to Get Your Son to Stop Cockfighting, While Still Being the Cool Dad
I’d become what’s known as "The Cool Dad" among David’s friends, and I was worried that coming off as anti-cockfighting would harm that reputation.
I’m Not Afraid to Fight You
You think I won't beat you up? Just watch me! Please, don't fight back. Just watch me beat you up.