Today started off like most others do. I woke up, ate a sensible breakfast, and powered on my computer—ready to take the day by storm. Little did I know that by some cruel twist of fate, my PC would irreversibly swap out my beloved question mark key with a completely useless, accented “E.” Has anybody else encountered this problem beforeÉ Or have any idea how to fix itÉ HelloÉÉÉÉÉ AnybodyÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉ Can someone please help me outÉÉÉ

To provide some context, my keyboard was working just fine last night—from Facebook to Instagram, I was typing questions like nobody’s business. Then my obese cat takes a mere two steps on my laptop this morning, and BAM! No more question mark.

Do you think my cat pressed a button to make this changeÉ Do you really think he’d be smart enough to know how to do thatÉ

Look, I’m not a writer or anything, but even the average accountant has a question or two arise over email. And without access to the full portfolio of English language punctuation today, I’ll admit I’ve been feeling pretty limited by the binary choice of period versus exclamation mark. I mean, how am I supposed to ask Jillian how her pregnancy is coming alongÉ Or ask Rob if he’s reconciled the general ledger yetÉ Not to mention that answering knock-knock jokes is now completely out of the question. Gosh, why do bad things happen to good peopleÉ

I don’t even understand why it’s an uppercase E. And who’s idea was it to make a punctuation key interchangeable with a random foreign letter in the first placeÉ I can barely speak English for crying out loud! Can’t you at least give me Spanish’s upside-down question mark to work withÉ

Because with this unwarranted key replacement, how can I have a remotely coherent conversation with anyoneÉ You probably couldn’t even tell I just asked a question, could youÉ And all of this is becoming one big run-on sentence, isn’t itÉ

They were really on to something when they said you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. But is it gone foreverÉ Does nobody out there have a solutionÉ Because I wouldn’t say I’m a naturally curious individual by any means, but after having my question mark taken away, I’ve realized just how important it can be. That lower-righthand key has so much more power than we ever gave it credit for. Name one other punctuation mark with the same effect. You can’t, can youÉ CAN YOUÉ

Oh no. First it’s the question mark, but what if the asterisk is next—or worse: the hashtagÉ Do you think the slash is gone tooÉ My treasured virguleÉ

Andéor ANDéOR ééééééééééééééééé

Well, shit.

I guess it’s only a matter of time until my entire English keyboard is irreversibly swapped out with a slew of foreign letters I have no use for. Should I just give up and learn FrenchÉ HungarianÉ PortugueseÉ All threeÉ Should I just buy myself a brand new computerÉ

Has nobody else ever experienced this beforeÉ SeriouslyÉ I’ll take all the tips I can get! I thought maybe it was a storage problem, but after deleting every file on my computer, the issue persists. And a malware update rendered useless to me too. All that did was identify malicious software targeting my credit card info.

Is there not a button I can pressÉ A number I can callÉ A hacker I can pay to break into my computer’s backend and code the key back into the systemÉ

Wait, GoogleÉ You say the answer is on GoogleÉ



Well would you look at that?