Hello everyone and thank you for taking the time to listen to my business pitch, which I have definitely and scrupulously prepared beforehand. Let me get all my materials prepared here.
So my idea is like MoviePass, but for uh *throws dart* escape rooms. Yeah, that’s right, escape rooms! But, like, with a subscription model. And also, a credit card! And today only, I’m willing to let you guys in on the ground floor of this brand new, sure-fire success business! I've done a lot of planning for this.
Think about it. People love escape rooms. People love paying once a month for infinite access to services they don’t use. We combine those two things. Say it with me: “Cha-ching!”
I already know what you’re thinking: “of course this is brilliant, it’s a subscription model, but how do we know that you’re the man to run it?” Well let me assure you, I have a ton of experience in the business industry. And you can bet I’ve escaped plenty of rooms in my day. And as for designing the app? Well, let’s just say, my buddy, Chris, who sleeps on my couch, has been learning AngularJS online for a couple weeks now, so we’ve got business and software development covered. All we need now is your investment of *spins roulette wheel* $300,000.
So, here’s how it works. We team up with major escape room companies, which I am sure are a thing, and pay them every time one of our users play a room. Users can play up to one room per day! After extensive market research that I’m doing right now on my phone, I’ve found that each room costs $25 on average. So, our pricing model will be set to $26 a month. With a *rolls dice* $2 fee during surge escape room hours. Talk about profits!
Not only do we collect income from the subscription, we’ll also gain additional revenue by *flips coin* selling user data! Of course! We’ll be collecting data from our users the second they sign up and selling that data the second after. How many times per month do people go to escape rooms? Do they usually escape within the hour? Do they think it’s a good first date? We’ll know! And someone will probably pay us to know too. Between the subscription and the user data sales, we’re at two tiers of profitability.
And that’s not all. With our complete reinvention of the escape room industry, we’ll be able to run our own escape rooms. That’s another revenue stream right there, and for those of you counting along, that’s three tiers of profitability, baby! This is the hot ticket item right now. Everyone, and I mean everyone, wants some skin in the escape room game.
I know I've always dreamed of getting into this business, at least since throwing that dart earlier.
Our company will set itself apart by specifically targeting the *shuffles a deck of cards and flips a card* ace of diamonds to jack of clubs age bracket, which we'll say is 16-28 years old. Right! Young people today are tired of the old, inexpensive ways of having fun. The mall is so last century, movies are too much of a commitment, and video games are basically just your grandpa’s escape room. Kids want things that are new, immersive, and claustrophobic. So, each of our rooms will have themes with that demographic in mind. We can have rooms modeled after all the things the kids love such as anime, attractive monsters, and *spills tea leaves*… looks like, uh, a sort of…dead gorilla.
In summary, we have money coming in every month. We give money every day to the escape rooms that we partner with. Escape room fanatics get to play for free every time they show up. That’s what we in the industry call a win-win-win.
As you can see, this well-planned out business model is fool-proof, and I can all but guarantee a high return-on-investment. What do you say, folks, are we in business?
Still not sure? Okay, then check out my second business idea. It’s like *shakes Magic 8-ball* signs point to…Vine, but for… *folds paper fortune teller* Travis, can you pick a color? G-R-E-E-N. *Lifts flap* Mexican food.