Sports Quotes

Frank: YEEAH, TOUCHDOWN!
Wendy: Wow, how do they throw the ball like that?
Frank: Well, first of all, you have to stop being a girl.
-On the gender hump

Grace: Coach, I love you.
Coach: You're one sick kid, Wilson.
Grace: I meant like a brother, and not in an incest kind of way.
-The soccer team is close

MJ: How come your team is losing?
SH: Shut up, or I'll tear out your kneecap and use it as a wine goblet!
-On a bad soccer day

Frank: Dear God, please bless Matt Cassel with the intelligence, strength, and accuracy to throw the ball to Randy Moss and bless Randy with the speed, stamina, and agility to beat the secondary and run into the endzone.
(30 seconds later)
Frank: Fuck this, I go through all that prayer and they hand it off. I hate this game.
-On negligible impacts

(After fireworks went off for the beginning of World Series Game 5)
Adrienne: That was so awesome.
Joshua: And you know what we saw that in? PERSON.
(30 minutes later)
Adrienne: This is so much fun.
Joshua: And you know what? If it wasn't for me I wouldn't even be here tonight!

"Why didn't you tell me that I was supposed to push that button?? You knew I was going to push that button! Did you rape this game?? You raped this fucking game when I went to get strawberry milk...."
-Aaron, drunk and losing at Xbox

Coach: Why are you so upset? You played really well today!
Smash: Because, Coach, I joined this team to have fun. Losing's not fun. I know I'm no Victoria Beckham, okay?
Coach: Umm, Victoria Beckham doesn't play soccer, she's a Spice Girl...
Smash: Yeah well, I go to Maritime so we sure as hell know I'm not one of those either.
Coach: Touche Smash, touche.
-On regaining the sympathy edge

Andy: Lateral it dude, you're not a running back!
Frank: What? Oh what? I just scored the touchdown. No, I'm not a running back, I'M A TOUCHDOWN BACK!
Derek: Frank, that was the dumbest thing you've ever said.
-On emotional moments during NFL Street

"I'm sorry. I thought this was a race of cool... not a race of speed."
-Brooke, justifying coming in last place

"I like to give hookers as much practice as they can get."
-Coach B, randomly on the rugby pitch

Jules: Alright Frank, think of your power word. This bar is your bitch right now. You can do this weight.
Frank: This bar's in the kitchen making me a sandwich which I'm not going to eat.
-To each his own motivation

Wendy: Hey Frank, what is L in Roman numerals?
Frank: Um.... Lemme think.... 30! Because Superbowl 42 was Superbowl XLII and X is 10 so L is 30.
-Football isn't always the answer

Professor: So, what is the evolutionary advantage of mosses over other plants in its time?
Frank: 23 touchdown receptions?
-On automatic F's (not first downs)

Laura (to the guys on the other team): Hey ladies, let's man up and play some volleyball!
(A guy from the opposing team serves the ball and Laura misses)
Nick: Oh, who's got the vaginas now?
Justin (his teammate): Dude, shut up! What do you mean "now"?! You never had a vagina to start with!
-Digging a deeper hole

Aaron: Dude, I don't even understand how you guys play this game. I don't watch football, I just watch hockey.
Frank: It's OK Aaron, all you need to know about football is that Tom Brady is the best quarterback ever. 50 touchdown passes in one season? That's just awesome.
Derek: How hard do you ride his cock?
Frank: I'm gonna have to admit, if I was gay or a girl, I'd totally do Tom Brady.
-Showing love during Madden