Sleep-Talking Quotes

"I'm sorry, I'm new to this planet."
-Anthony, sleep-talking his insecurities away

"She's brute, she's brute, is that enough for your soup?"
-Shaun, sleep-talking

Everyone in the room: "We're going on the band trip to Houston.... " (lots of chatter
Guy on the ground asleep, waking up: FUCK HOUSTON, FUCK AFRICA! (falls back down asleep)
-Houston, we have a problem

Ben: Okay, I'm going to read you another riddle!
Sam: ANIMAL CRUELTY IS WRONG! ANIMAL CRUELTY IS WRONG!
Ben: Okay, no riddles.
Sam: I knew the answer anyway. No question about it. Cillit Bang is better than Jaffa Cakes. End of!
-Ben, riddling a sleep-talking Sam, Part 4

Sam: I'm going to eat your trampoooollllliiiiinnneeee.
Ben: Okay, just go back to sleep.
Sam: WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT ANIMAL CRUELTY? Take the octopus out of my microwave and let him climb my ladder!! Take the squirrel out of the washing machine! And get the walrus out of the toaster!!!
Ben: Any more chores you want doing??
Sam: Get the lawnmower out of the shed and mow the orangutan, then stick the kangaroo to the wall with blu-tac! WHERE IS THAT BLU-TAC, DAVID?
-Ben, riddling a sleep-talking Sam, Part 3

Ben: Okay, here's a riddle with no animals, there are two doctors...
Sam: I know this one...
Ben: What's the answer then?
Sam: Ssssshhh....surfing in the Bahamas...aaaaahh...I want to cuddle up with my oven glove... GIVE ME BACK MY OVEN...GLOVE! WHY THE HELL DID YOU TAKE MY OVEN-GLOVE! YOU HAD NO RIGHTS!
Ben: I never took your oven-gloven.
Sam: THAT DOESN'T MATTER! GIVE IT BACK ANYWAY! I need something to cuddle up to...
-Ben, riddling a sleep-talking Sam, Part 2

Ben: Here's another riddle, Sam.
Sam: Riddle, riddle, oh no, that's bubble bubble, carry on.
Ben: A Crocodile dies..
Sam: NO! WHY DID THAT CROCODILE DIE! LIFE IS SO CRUEL, ESPECIALLY TO CROCODILES! NOBODY HAD THE RIGHT TO KILL THAT CROCODILE!
Ben: It wasn't killed, it died. Anyway, it's a joke...
Sam: NOT A NICE JOKE TO KILL A CROCODILE.
-Ben, riddling a sleep-talking Sam, Part 1

Brandy: Dude. He's coming back.
Angyi (drunk and asleep): He should have his own theme music. But ninjas don't have theme music because then we'd know they were coming.
Brandy: He should have music that plays when he descends.
Angyi (still asleep): But he hasn't come yet, why is there music?
-Happy New Year drunken ninja

Glenda (sleeping): It's all the same...
Jack: What's all the same?
Glenda: They're different colors but they're the same...
Jack: What's the same?
Glenda: Corn chips... they're different colors but they taste the same.
-Jack, talking to Glenda during an apparent siesta

"...thank you, come again. Wait, RANCH! I want RANCH ON THE SIDE!!! And get off the Pop Tart!!!"
-Greta, sleep-talking

Marcy: (sleeping) Am I talking in my sleep again, Frank?
Frank: No, you're awakening in your dreams.
-On reverse psychology

Britt: Hey, wake up, I brought you breakfast!
John (sleeping): There is no time for breakfast, I need you to help me recruit more people for the fellowship.
-After playing the MMORPG "Asheron's Call" all night long

Aaron: Jessie, there's no more sand on the beach!
Jessie: (sleeping) What?
Aaron: Yeah, no more sand. Do you know anything about that?
Jessie: I put it in the closet.
Aaron: Why did you do that?
Jessie: It hurt my feet and it was too dry.
-Aaron, talking to his sleeping roommate about modern beach problems

Mike: Is it good Keesh?
Keesh: (sleeping) ...yeah...
Mike: Keesh is it good?
Keesh: ...Yessss!
Mike: Can I have a kiss?
Keesh: No.
Mike: Can I give you a kiss?
Keesh: ....No!
Mike: Why not?
Keesh: ...sooo gaaaay...
-On slumbering roommate encounters

N: What's up?
C: (asleep) I like tomatoes and bagels.
N: What?
C: (still asleep) Baby lober.
-On hungry sleep-talking