Dazed and Confused Quotes

Henri: Does she go to school in Pomona?
Eric Does she suck a mule under Corona?
Henri: What?
Eric: What?
-Two deafs don't make a right

*BEEP BEEP*
Adrienne: What's in the microwave?
Brooke: No idea, I think Lauren's making cheese...
Adrienne: How is she making cheese in the microwave?
Brooke: No idea, prolly because she is fat and weird...
Adrienne: Fucking Lauren.
(5 minutes go by)
Brooke: ...Actually, I think I'm making cheese.
-Microwaving mac 'n cheese on 4/20

"Who goes to church anyways? Soon everyone's gonna be like fuck church, fuck God...but I still go to church."
-Sarah, on religious trending

Curry: What do white guys and shit have in common?
Chris: Wait, aren't you half white?
Curry: Yeah, but I'm 50% Asian, 50% white...I round up, so I'm Asian.
-Curry, showing off his math skills

Bruno: What does MCSA stand for?
Matt: Mohawk College Student Association. I was the vice president.
Eli: Loser.
Matt: Yeah, a loser who made a shit ton of money selling drugs on the side! Do you know how easy it is to sell drugs when everyone knows who you are?
-On the hidden agenda

Giles: This is why my people hated the Irish.
Frank: Why?
Giles: They were the only other group on Newfoundland way back.
Frank: Oh that's obvious then. You were the only two groups around and getting along and rubbing dicks was clearly out of the question.
-On group dynamics

Bobby: Mike, I think you're just upset because you want to be Southern and Virginia isn't in the South.
Mike (3 minutes later): Bobby, I think we are all comfortable with our sexuality.
-Laying it all out there

"Have you ever noticed how much of our lives revolve around croutons?"
-Dave, stoned and eating a salad

"Ahh.... This smell brings back childhood memories."
-Trina, smoking pot in the car with her roommate

Mark: Silky is such a pothead. He brings his bowl with him everywhere. Look, it's just chilling on the pool table.
Manda: You do know that's a cereal bowl right?
Mark: Ha, you're funny.
-Naively staring at a cereal bowl

Joe (on the phone): Dinner on Valentine's Day is at 6 so plan accordingly.
Cali: Dress up?
Joe: If you don't then it would be weird.
Cali: Am I coming down there to you?
Joe: Yes, and no more questions. I already feel you know too much.
-On confusing surprises

Ariel: Woah. You're higher than I am. What are you on?
Random Woman: Jesus!
Ariel: Cool. Got anymore?
-Ariel, stoned and mistaking a church revival for a circus tent

Giles: Why don't you like fries?
Frank: Because when I was growing up in China, the fries there would cut up the roof of your mouth and were really salty which means after you eat them, your whole mouth just hurts. It's psychological conditioning. Like if you get raped when you're a little kid, you're just not going to trust men.
Giles: You are a terrible person.
Frank: Well, now that I've gotten my rape joke out of the way, I'm going back to bed.
-On the wake and bake chat

Giles: So I might be going to Oslo in May.
Frank: What for?
Giles: Conference.
Frank: Oslo, that's Sweden right?
Giles: Norway.
Frank: Still, Scandinavian chicks. Giles, you know what Scandinavian chicks mean?
Giles: Not really.
Frank: They're like the Asian girls of Europe. But bigger boobs.

"So my dad came up on my mom's stomach and as she stood up I ran down into well, you know. And I saw this as my big chance so before she could get into the shower I went for the
hole and bam, I was conceived. Damn I was a determined little mother effer."
-Jarrod, telling the story of his conception while stoned out of his mind