Tuesday, April 29

"That's a transvestite, you can tell by the tan lines."
-Josh, looking at too much porn?
Notre Dame de Namur University

"Rim jobs are definitely more common in the South."
-Linz, spicing up the dinner convo (can anyone attest to this?)
Southern Methodist University

“What would I think about if I didn’t have ADD? My future?”
-Mathew, appreciating the benefit of a short attention span
Washington State University

Robyn: I'm driving 70 on Highway 280!
Meagan: Well, don't get pulled over, because we're drunk!
Robyn: NO! It's okay I have Triple A insurance!
-On inadequate coverage

Andrey: ER, exactly how much baby did you eat?
Erinrae: Too much...
-Umm... how much is too much again?
Kansas State University

"Well, we didn't show you much of Paris tonight but at least you know how our bars work."
-Krosk, summing up the whole night during a trip to France
Elysium University

"Now, you've gotta be able to recognize the difference... Some people are genuinely addicted to sex, and some people are just sluts."
-Professor J, on sound advice for counseling people with addictions, and real life
West Virginia University

Hunter: This is what it would be like if you were all the way deaf.
Josh: I'm not Anne Frank, dude.
-Watching TV on mute
Notre Dame de Namur University

Monday, April 28

Steph: You wanna go to Pet Smart and look at fishies?
Matt: I don't really like Pet Smart since they use puppy mills; I like the local stores. Puppy mills are like Nazi death camps if Jews were cute and fuzzy.
-Discussing pet selection
Utica College

Adam: ...No, you have sex with someone because you're sexually attracted to them, and you're sexually attracted to them based on physical appearance.
Dennis: This one time I was sexually attracted to someone because she was willing.
-Dennis, interrupting a argument about ideal women and sexual attraction
Purdue University Calumet

“I just farted…let’s move over there.”
-Brian, on sophisticated courtesy with a date
University of Florida

Creepy Guy: So, what are you doing tonight after class?
Sory: Nothing. Why?
Creepy Guy: Wanna go out? I have a car...
Sory: I have a shovel...
-How to say no to weird guys
Tompkins Cortland Community College

Jamie: Oh my god, you're a virgin?! Why?
Becky: You can't ask that! It's like asking why the sky is blue!
Jamie: No, there's a reason for that, it's scientific! It has to do with the light spectrum!
-On unexplained freshmen phenomena
Northern Michigan University

Levenson: Check it out, she left her underwear here.
Phil: Nice. What size are they?
Levenson: Hmm, it looks like a 1...
Gray (examining): Oh no, that's definitely an L.
-How quickly things change
Louisiana State University

Mere: Why are you squinting?
Scott: I lost one of my contacts last night, so I only have one in.
Mere: How'd you lose one contact?
Scott: I rubbed one out last night.
Mere: Thanks for sharing, but how does that pertain to a missing contact?
-TMI from the intern at work
Appalachian State University

Tony: Schroedinger's Cat: you put a cat in a box and--
Luke: Don't you mean "you put a cat in a hat?"
Tony: No. I'm talking quantum physics, not nursery rhymes. Try to keep up.
-He would not like it in a box, he would not like it with a fox
Northern Michigan University