Points in Case > The Scale of Doom

The Scale of Doom

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AIM Convos(PG-13, 70 lines)

 Sometimes a scale is the only way to help fatties face the truth about their weight problem. That or insult them to their face.

ZekeTH: raaape
courtjester5000: Hello, how may I help you today?
ZekeTH: Can I have 2 big macs, large fries, and a small coke? i'm trying to watch my weight
courtjester5000: I have one scale available.
courtjester5000: Large, digital read-out, quick zero-out reading, you'll be pleasantly surprised at the quality.
ZekeTH: Kay, I'll take that.
ZekeTH: Does it explode if you set fire to it?
courtjester5000: No, but it will burn calories.
ZekeTH: Hmm...
ZekeTH: Explosions.. or calories...
ZekeTH: Ok, gimme it.
courtjester5000: Judging from your figure, you made the right choice.
ZekeTH: EXCUSE ME?!
ZekeTH: DID YOU JUST INSULT ME!?
courtjester5000: Ahem, what I meant was, we have some lovely treadmills as well.
ZekeTH: Oh ok.
ZekeTH: Can I see them?
courtjester5000: If you move your belly out of the way, yes.
ZekeTH: EXCUSE ME!?
courtjester5000: The treadmill lies flat on the ground...
ZekeTH: DONT MAKE ME HAVE TO SHOVE MY UNNATURALLY LARGE CELLULAR TELEPHONE UP YOUR RECTUM!
courtjester5000: Don't worry, once you've used this treadmill for several weeks, you won't need an oversized cellular telephone anymore.
courtjester5000: The normal size will fit on your ear.
ZekeTH: but
ZekeTH: i love this cellular telephone..
ZekeTH: we've been together since i was a fetus..
courtjester5000: Oh, you people, always trying to blame it on genetics.
ZekeTH: Cause that's how genetics work.
ZekeTH: WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON SEX?
courtjester5000: You're probably not getting any.
ZekeTH: Well then there's no hope for you, now is there?
courtjester5000: I prefer the regular sized ones better.
courtjester5000: See, there's this thing called nature vs. nurture, and you've been nurtured one too many times by fast food restaurants.
ZekeTH: Psh, I got coupons dude... girl... ... person.
courtjester5000: I do not doubt it.
ZekeTH: Do you have breasts?
courtjester5000: Do YOU have breasts?
ZekeTH: Amazingly, no! :-D
courtjester5000: Everything went straight to your ass, huh?
ZekeTH: Mhm.
courtjester5000: Some say it has it's own gravitational force.
ZekeTH: And I'm gonna explode in about..
ZekeTH: 10 minutes.
ZekeTH: My ass has its own gravitational force.
ZekeTH: I can float/
ZekeTH: .*
courtjester5000: Motorboat is no longer only a verb in your case.
ZekeTH: roflcopter is no longer a word in your mind.
courtjester5000: After you take a crap, do people comment how much weight you've lost?
ZekeTH: They attempt to, but die from the smell.
courtjester5000: Naturally, their judgment is clouded.
ZekeTH: JUST LIKE YOUR FACE?
ZekeTH: hahahahahaha
courtjester5000: I heard your mom gave birth to an Arby's a year before you were born.
ZekeTH: PSH... It was a Chile's...
ZekeTH: Don't mix up my family!
courtjester5000: Your family was too poor to afford a server.
ZekeTH: When you tried to log on to aim, it said only humans allowed.
courtjester5000: Fortunately, I could afford my own server.
courtjester5000: How is your treadmill working out for you?
courtjester5000: ...Trick question, treadmills don't work out FOR you, you have to work out ON them.
courtjester5000: Good luck fitting into those jeans, fatty.
ZekeTH: I'mma hump your ass till it bleeds, k?
ZekeTH: :-D
courtjester5000: May your scale always hold up to insult you.

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