Ex-Boyfriend's Secret Revenge
(R, 56 lines)
Secrets always come with a price. Sometimes all it takes is the promise of free electronics to make the secret holder pay.
skyblueluv: what's a jester?
skyblueluv: are you there?
skyblueluv: anyways... my friend told me to add you
skyblueluv: can you really give me free stuff?
courtjester5000: Yes, I give away free stuff to qualified participants.
skyblueluv: how do i get qualified??
courtjester5000: You must divulge three secrets you never told your ex in order to qualify for free electronics.
skyblueluv: what electronics?
skyblueluv: i want to know first :P
courtjester5000: Computers, iPods, flashlights, spark plugs, etc.
skyblueluv: OO are they those flashlights that you you recharge by twisting?
skyblueluv: or normal flashlights
courtjester5000: They are broken.
skyblueluv: umm i'll try anyways haha
skyblueluv: 1. i made out with his sister
skyblueluv: 2. i broke up with him because someone paid me to do it
skyblueluv: 3. i watched his mom in the shower
courtjester5000: It sounds like you accidentally dated a boy.
skyblueluv: yeah i kinda regret it
courtjester5000: What is it about males that turns you off?
courtjester5000: Besides the weird shape of the penis.
skyblueluv: i dont like the ball sack
skyblueluv: it's too wrinkly
skyblueluv: its so ugly
courtjester5000: Have you ever closed your eyes and touched it though?
skyblueluv: i kinda freaked when i saw it
courtjester5000: How did he present it to you?
skyblueluv: your not jinwei right?
skyblueluv: alriite haha
skyblueluv: he just took it off
skyblueluv: and wanted to
skyblueluv: do it
courtjester5000: What did he say to entice you to do it?
skyblueluv: forget it
courtjester5000: No, please...
skyblueluv: i dont want my flashlight anymore
skyblueluv: your a stalker D:<
courtjester5000: This is a Maglite®. It's like an elevator: it's never really broken, if you know what I mean.
courtjester5000: Please enter your email address so I can send your free electronics prize.
courtjester5000: This limited time offer will expire in 3 minutes...
courtjester5000: hey, it's jinwei
skyblueluv: oh hell no
skyblueluv: so what
skyblueluv: r u gonna gimme stuff
courtjester5000: U KISS MY SIS, SPY ON MY MOM, DUMP ME 4 $$$, AND NOW U WANT FREE SHIT???
courtjester5000: FUK U BITCHHHH!!!
courtjester5000: ILL SEND U MY WRINKLY BALLS AND DICK IN A BOX!!!
courtjester5000: U BETTA NOT CUM TO SCHOOL TOMORROW CUZ IMMA KICK UR ASSS!!!!!
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courtjester5000: Free spark plugs, anyone?
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