The Ten Commandments Are Super Confusing and That’s on Me, The Lord Thy God
“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.” This really isn't a big deal. It bothered me for a couple thousand years but I’m over it.
Tag: Writing
You’ve Awakened an Ancient Evil, and Now It’s Aggressively Selling Empowerment to New Moms
"A badass mama protects her child! Your belly will be full of pilates-toned gristle and blond hair after you’ve mauled Cassie from your mom group."
Let Me Tell You Exactly What We Do at This Company
Our company is multi-faceted, which means we do a multitude of different things. We don’t just have one facet, like other low-achieving companies.
Romeo and Juliet Respond to an Apartment Listing
Is there a balcony where I can easily repledge my devotion to my true love? There simply must be a balcony.
We’re Hiring a Freelance Full-Time Editor!
The ideal candidate would fit in with an ambitious team of Hustlers and Grinders (i.e. tech people and salespeople), who all, weirdly, have benefits.
To the Man Selling His Dead Baby’s Shoes
What on earth caused you to decide that the appropriate response to this tragedy was selling your dead baby's shoes in the local newspaper?
Cursify: The Sweary Digital Writing Tool
Without Cursify: This is a sentence. With Cursify: This is a fucking sentence. Notice how Cursify creates a more evocative experience for the reader.
Sticky Notes and Stalkers: A Day in the Life of a Maestro
Don’t forget to tune (short black thing in back/right = oboe) / Start Rehearsal Strong / Say SOMETHING INSPIRATIONAL
Where in the Hell Did Alan Dershowitz Get His Ideas?
“Article II Looks Good On You” (The Journal of Bizarre Constitutional Arguments, December 2012)
Pitchfork Reviews People in My Life
A Woman I Went On Two Great, Early-In-The-Game Dates With: An incredible, staggeringly original human being who just appeared on the dating scene. 9.3
I, John Bolton, Will Happily Testify about My White House Erotic Fantasy Novela
Mary Anne is a hawkish White House staffer in her late-20s who drafts war plans with Iran which never quite climax, but her sexual plans always do.
The Raven Files a Formal Complaint Against Abusive Customer Edgar Allan Poe
But when I began to say, “Nevermore Courier Service requires your signature for this same-day trowel delivery,” I only got the first word out.