The Unfortunate Consequences of My Writing During the Time of COVID-19
Banners will fly, in all major cities, bearing my image and a few of my most famous words. There are so many.
Tag: Writing
Shelter-in-Place Shakespeare
KING LEAR How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child. Away, away! GONERIL I literally cannot leave.
Rejected Malcolm Gladwell Books
Shut Up: How Talking Makes It Harder to Communicate and Causes Large Fires / Dogs: They Were Puppies Once / Losers: The Real Winners, Who Lost
The Collected Chase Scenes of William Shakespeare
"A Comedy of Errors": Antipholus of Syracuse and Antipholous of Ephesus race in identical Fiats, comically thinking each one is chasing the other.
Opening Sentence Drafts for My Brand’s Coronavirus Email Blast
In these unprecedented times, / In these, let’s be real, horrifying times, / In these gay Oklahoman tiger overlord TV star times,
Neil Gaiman’s Republican Mythology
In Mayr-a-Layrgo stood Pootin, who existed before the primaries. He sits upon a giant steed, wearing pants but no shirt, chest oiled for some reason.
I’m Writing to Your Advice Column for Advice That Matches What I Already Decided to Do
So please tell me it’s a good idea to set a discrete fire in his wastebasket and blame it on his vape pen. That’s what I’m going to do.
I’m the Exclamation Mark in Your Work Emails and I’ve Had Enough
You’re that fired up about Gabe’s oatmeal raisin cookies in the break room? You’re not fooling anybody that you “dream about those bad boys!”
I, Editor of the National Enquirer, Have Literally Seen a Sasquatch and No One Will Believe Me
I feel like Elvis when he returned to Graceland after 40 years of guiding climbers as a Sherpa in Tibet. That didn’t happen, but you get the point.
The Ten Commandments Are Super Confusing and That’s on Me, The Lord Thy God
“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.” This really isn't a big deal. It bothered me for a couple thousand years but I’m over it.
You’ve Awakened an Ancient Evil, and Now It’s Aggressively Selling Empowerment to New Moms
"A badass mama protects her child! Your belly will be full of pilates-toned gristle and blond hair after you’ve mauled Cassie from your mom group."
Let Me Tell You Exactly What We Do at This Company
Our company is multi-faceted, which means we do a multitude of different things. We don’t just have one facet, like other low-achieving companies.