Romeo and Juliet Respond to an Apartment Listing
Is there a balcony where I can easily repledge my devotion to my true love? There simply must be a balcony.
Tag: Writing
We’re Hiring a Freelance Full-Time Editor!
The ideal candidate would fit in with an ambitious team of Hustlers and Grinders (i.e. tech people and salespeople), who all, weirdly, have benefits.
To the Man Selling His Dead Baby’s Shoes
What on earth caused you to decide that the appropriate response to this tragedy was selling your dead baby's shoes in the local newspaper?
Sticky Notes and Stalkers: A Day in the Life of a Maestro
Don’t forget to tune (short black thing in back/right = oboe) / Start Rehearsal Strong / Say SOMETHING INSPIRATIONAL
Where in the Hell Did Alan Dershowitz Get His Ideas?
“Article II Looks Good On You” (The Journal of Bizarre Constitutional Arguments, December 2012)
Pitchfork Reviews People in My Life
A Woman I Went On Two Great, Early-In-The-Game Dates With: An incredible, staggeringly original human being who just appeared on the dating scene. 9.3
I, John Bolton, Will Happily Testify about My White House Erotic Fantasy Novela
Mary Anne is a hawkish White House staffer in her late-20s who drafts war plans with Iran which never quite climax, but her sexual plans always do.
The Raven Files a Formal Complaint Against Abusive Customer Edgar Allan Poe
But when I began to say, “Nevermore Courier Service requires your signature for this same-day trowel delivery,” I only got the first word out.
When Children Try to Write Adult Fiction
"What is your job?" Wilmott said. "I work in an office," said Gorge. "My boss keeps turtles in a tank. Sometimes I have to feed them."
Ignatius J. Reilly: The Later Rants
Nixon Resignation (1974): Oh, Fortuna, the revolutions of your wheel pile even the masters into the muck.
I Am a Character in a Dystopian Novel, and I Think Your World Kind of Sucks
To be fair, at least you know your “vote” counts as much as everyone else’s, whereas in our system---Wait, the electoral what?!
Please Hire Me to Be Your Gatsby Party’s Nick Carraway
In a corner with a martini covering 75% of my face, I can weave an intricate tapestry of all the backroom drama unfolding behind closed doors.