Hey Elon, Buy My Professorship!
Here’s a better deal for Elon: he can regain esteem, credibility, and respect by buying my status of tenured full professor.
Tag: Tech
At This Year’s Fall Harvest Festival, We Have Replaced the Corn Maze with You Getting Lost in Your Phone
We've accepted the fact that the Corn Maze could no longer compete with technology's draw to hook you to the point that you lose all sense of time.
Threateningly Is a Messaging-Optimization Program That Gets Results
Well, who's got two bruised fists and thumbs and is offering you their services? That's right—me.
20 Rules for Acing Every Job Interview by an “Outside the Box Thinker” on LinkedIn
Intermittently mention “The Kremlin.” Smart people discuss this often.
I Am the Little Orange Man from Google Maps and I Would Appreciate It If You Stopped Dropping Me from 2 Million Feet in the Sky
If you’re wondering, in the moment you wait for me to land in Street View, I howl through the mesosphere, engulfed in flame.
Reasons for Unsubscribing Besides “I Don’t Want to Receive These Emails”
- I am not interested in emails such as these. - My passion for these messages has with time been exhausted. - I am interested in not receiving these emails.
Join My WhatsApp Group for Unnecessary Updates on Our Kids’ School Bus Route
It might be a good idea to post messages after each kid is picked up so that we know that the bus has not disappeared into some space/time continuum.
So I Hear You Know Photoshop
Would you mind making me a logo for my new insect-dessert business? I was going to hire someone, but they wanted to charge me a few hundred dollars.
FAQ About Your Genetically Engineered Baby
Is it normal for my baby to be eight feet tall and have laser eyes? It depends on whether or not you bought the deluxe model.
Your Apps Are Here to Help
Facebook: Hey, remember me? I’m totally relevant to your demographic! Want to see Dakota’s prom photos from 2006?
Common Complaints About Our Clones
My clone is always ill. Plus, our clones are deficient in blood, because we didn’t give them enough blood, so they are often woozy.
Guac: The Expense Tracking App for Buying More Guacamole
No more acting like you don’t want guacamole or pretending that if you get guacamole, it’ll make you too full.