We’ve Decided to Open Our Relationship (To the Void)
We simply want to take our committed relationship and invite in the chaotic meaninglessness of a vast and expanding universe.
Tag: Satire
Corporate Layoffs Will Now Be Communicated via Raunchy Chain Texts
Forward to 10 coworkers to lay them off for us, or get 9 years bad luck in your job search. 👋🍑
A Breakup Letter to My Retainer That I Have Not Worn in 241 Days
I'll be honest, I expected to hate you. I thought our relationship would be filled with searing pain, occasional blood, and lots of tears.
I Am the Stain That’s Already Ruined Your Favorite Sweater
The whole restaurant glares as you fling your body away from the table like you’re protecting the commander-in-chief.
My February Is Ruined Because This Isn’t a Leap Year
I am not entirely sure why I was so confident that this February would have an extra day.
I’m Stepping Down from My Role of Resharing My Wedding Photos from 2018 on Facebook
It was a tough decision to resign from plugging images looking my most beautiful on the best day of my life, but something I finally felt ready to do.
Let’s Make This Seasonal Depression a Year-Round Thing
I don't want to keep this depression seasonal anymore. I’m ready to be your year-round crisis.
Valentine Preparedness Advisory and Emergency Response Protocol
Romantic pressure systems are likely to develop in the coming weeks and residents are encouraged to remain calm, plan ahead, and avoid unnecessary exposure.
Valentine’s Day Notes from My Severely Color Blind Partner
Life is never blue when I’m with you. P.S. What’s blue?
Currently Seeking Workplace Crush
We are an innovative industry leader that thrives on teamwork, dedication, and low-key sexual energy.
Daily Log of a Recently Sober Pirate Captain Who’s Still Experiencing Alcohol Withdrawal Symptoms
7:00 A.M.: Threw away my eye patch. Since I no longer have alcohol-induced optic neuropathy in my left eye I “SEE” no sense in keeping it.
Prop Bet Ideas from Someone Who Got Their Hand Stuck in the Toilet at Last Year’s Super Bowl Party
Will everyone agree that getting your hand stuck in the toilet actually a really common occurrence?