Oh Boy, My Favorite Celebrity Is on a Humiliation Ritual Press Tour
Call me desensitized, but the only thing that really keeps me tapped in for My Favorite Celebrity is to see them risk it all—day after day, for months on end.
Tag: Satire
It’s Possible Jay Gatsby Is Abusing GoFundMe
I urgently need your help after my latest extravagant shindig has left my estate in shambles. Look here, old sports.
What Your AI Jargon Says About You
"Existential Risk": You testified before Congress that this technology could end humanity. You also had a product launch that Thursday and it went great.
Automated Texts I’ll Receive on My Deathbed
A Nebraskan tire center I used once on a road trip seven years ago: We’re feeling a little deflated today, and wheel miss you as a valued customer.
This Ain’t My First Rodeo—Even If My Pronouncing “Rodeo” Like “Rodeo Drive” Suggests Otherwise
What, because I talk funny? Because I called your saloon a coworking pod? Because I palo santoed your game of Texas hold ‘em?
The Ending of “Beauty and the Beast,” If Belle Wasn’t Into the Beast After His Transformation
“Oh. Well, I could try to grow a beard?” the Beast offers. “It’s just that it usually comes in kind of patchy."
Your Puny, Human Brain Is No Match for This CAPTCHA
Let’s call it a reverse Turing Test designed to plumb the depths of human stupidity.
I Cut Out Food from My Diet, and I’ve Never Felt Better
Hot Foods in the Wintertime or Cold Foods in the Summertime: This one’s a real bummer.
I’m an Infuriatingly Tiny Bathroom Sink
I’m inconveniently tiny. Inexplicably tiny. Infuriatingly tiny. If you didn’t have anger issues before, you do now.
I’m Reporting in a Baseball Cap So You Know This Storm Is Serious
This is my way of telling you at home, bald and not camera ready, that your safety means more to me than my hair.
We’ve Decided to Open Our Relationship (To the Void)
We simply want to take our committed relationship and invite in the chaotic meaninglessness of a vast and expanding universe.
Corporate Layoffs Will Now Be Communicated via Raunchy Chain Texts
Forward to 10 coworkers to lay them off for us, or get 9 years bad luck in your job search. 👋🍑