Sycophant for Hire
For a small fee and a variable surcharge, I will shower your fragile ego with the praise it doesn’t, and will likely never, deserve.
Tag: Satire
Sherlock Holmes, Observational Comic
You ever notice how in Los Angeles the dirt is a brownish-red color, but in New York it’s a reddish-brown color?
Updated Rules for Our Town’s Annual Rubber Duck Race
No glass bottles. No breaking glass bottles. No threatening Duck Race volunteers with broken glass bottles.
The U.S. Begs England to Take Them Back
It blows my mind that we used to be one country, isn’t that wild? But enough about me. Tell me what have you been up to?
Please Complete This Brief Survey About Your Recent Elevator Ride
When you read the option “Going down,” what was your reaction? ⚪ Turned on ⚪ Grossed out
New from Bank of America: Feet Pic Appraisals™
Simply follow the prompts, upload a few well-lit, ankle-down images, and let Bank of America’s integrated AI do the rest!
I, the Sitcom Laugh Track, Am Ready to Be Considered for Dramatic Roles
I studied Strasberg with Laura Dern. I, too, was in the original Jurassic Park before Steven Spielberg edited me out.
The World Yacht Tipping Finals, Only on WhaleWorld Sports Network
Throwing out the ceremonial sea lion is actor Brendan Fraser, who starred in "The Whale" and has been known to compete in yacht tipping competitions himself.
We Are Cicadas Who Have Been Underground Since the Obama Administration
Now, front legs clasped, we surge skyward to a world replete with the bounties of over a decade of equality and universal healthcare!
My Shameless Piece of Oscar Bait Failed and It’s Not Fair
Just where do you fair-weather fans get off not spending your meager savings on tickets to see a multimillionaire’s vanity project?
An Important Announcement from the Makers of the Big Burlap Sack with a Dollar Sign On It
We take pride in our product. We know that there is no better feeling than tossing a big burlap sack over your shoulder after a big heist.
Top Seven Essential, Must-See, Can’t-Miss Destinations If You’re a Migrating Goose
Bar Harbor, Maine: Honk if you love pine trees! So chic, so luxe, so full of rose-soaked French fries and whoopie pies for the stealing.