Satire | Page 17 | Points in Case

Tag: Satire

Don’t Leave a Voicemail: Voicemails are a dusty artifact from the days before text messaging.

My day looks just like any other grown 40-year-old singular man. I wake up at 5:00 AM sharp and eat my coffee and eggs just like all of you.

I know we only met in passing at Brianna’s Axe-Throwing Farewell Party, but I got SUCH a great vibe from you.

Frankly, I’m just excited to have you back in my chair. After all, you ARE my favorite patient! Also, in many ways, you’re like a son to me.

I still don’t even really know what an em dash is. Or care to know for that matter.

I'll have been train hopping for two months at that point, so I might look a bit like the chimney sweep in Mary Poppins when I get in.

Emily, I couldn’t help but notice you texted “we’re gonna soooooooooo fucked up. 🤪” Would you be willing to own next steps on that?

We ask that all freed prisoners make their way back to the entrance of the Cave in an efficient, but respectful manner.

I mean just like, with the armed robbery in general, how do you think it’s going? Is this comparable to other bank robberies you’ve been through?

But, if I could offer one tiny suggestion, while you sound amazing, the song choice doesn’t show off your full potential.

Let me stop you. That’s not mold. That’s ambiance. That’s character. That’s the sort of authentic, rustic charm people pay top dollar for.

Ya'll must be nuttier than a squirrel's mouth to think you can set up establishments WITHOUT proper certification and licenses.