A Tribute to Mr. Thompson: Teacher, Mentor, Possible Necromancer
It was never clear what subject he was supposed to be teaching, since on our schedules it was spelled in mysterious runes that burned your eyes.
Tag: Satire
An Open Letter to That Asshole, Algebra, Who I Thought I’d Never See Again
I’ve never needed the Pythagorean Theorem for any moment of my life. I’m a million times better off without you, just like I always thought.
Yes, Non-Smartphone Scrabble Is Still Available for Purchase
When you need a break from the mind-numbing fixation of staring at your phone, Scrabble® is here to help you.
I Am the Hiring Algorithm That Didn’t Select Your Job Application, and These Are the Words You Had to Say to Get an Interview
‘My’ ‘Cousin’ ‘Ben’ ‘Works’ ‘In’ ‘Accounting’ ‘And’ ‘He’ ‘Already’ ‘Flagged’ ‘My’ ‘Application’ Surprising, huh?! Who knew it was that simple?!
Thank You from the Society That’s Been Growing Under Your Ass
Thanks to you, our novel species of intelligent beings may roam these brown leather lands and pray to the red flannel ass above.
The Time Has Come to Vaccinate America’s Ghosts
For too long, we have ignored the very real threat that COVID-19 can survive in and be spread through ectoplasm.
I’m Not a Bad Person, I’m a Performance Artist
You see, when I was fired from my job at Target for stealing money out of the register, it was actually a clever commentary on American capitalism.
Your In-Flight Guide to Self-Care in the Unlikely Event of an Emergency
There is no need to fixate on future problems before they arise by preemptively discussing a plan for an emergency situation which may never occur.
It’s Me, the Hacker Who Broke into Your Phone, and I’m Staging an Intervention
I was going through your photos, which– Stop screaming, you know you have nothing incriminating.
Literary Reviews of Mom Texts
There's no living author with a better take on the "excruciating telegram" style of mom text messages.
I’m the Couch You Left at the Curb, and I Am Pissed
Whose fault is it I don’t look perfect anymore? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t my arms that splashed me with queso dip.
We’re Not Denying You Had a Baby, But As Your Health Insurance Company, We Are Denying Everything Else
Next time, consider delivering in a Lyft, the cereal aisle at your grocery store, or during your yoga class. Claim denied.