Jane Austen Regrets That She Cannot Attend Your Dream Dinner Party
I cannot abide the vulgar shoptalk of striving strangers who demand to know, “Where do you find your inspiration?”
Tag: Satire
A Menu of Our Fine, Illegal French Cheeses and Their Legal-to-Buy-and-Own Assault Weapon Pairings
Bleu De Gex: Known for its blue veins, it is aged for three weeks with Penicillium roqueforti, and cannot be legally sold in the continental United States.
I’m the Honey Baked Ham Gift Card You Got for a Corporate Holiday Bonus and I Hate Me Too
It’s been a few weeks now and you won’t stop looking at me in contempt. Every time you open your wallet and see me, you scoff.
There Will Never Be a Sale This Good Until Next Week
Now there’s only 12 hours, 53 minutes, and 16 seconds left! Can’t you feel the gravity of this situation? Better get that CVV number quick!
The Devil Anxiously Awaits Robert Johnson at the Crossroads
I’m so nervous, the sweat on my palms is boiling.
The Secret to a Winning Democratic Campaign Can Be Yours!
We've got a group of diner patrons who respect military service and don't shy away from saying what's on their mind. Want to know what they think?
Your Spotify DJ Keeps Recommending an Artist Named Jar Mondo
That was "Bird Heat" by Jar Mondo. Here's a fun fact: That's his real name—like, full legal name.
NASA Unveils Tapped Alien Communications, All Between a Married Couple of 20 Years Coordinating Errands
Is Zim Zim going to shootball today question mark send send [47:24 VY-93] Yes [47:24 VY-93]
This Chuck-E-Cheese Will No Longer Offer an “Animal Style” Option on a Secret Birthday Celebration Menu
It’s come to my attention that the Chuck E. Cheese off Highway 46 continues to offer a secret “Animal Style” option on their birthday celebration menu.
I’m Not a Bad Roommate, Bro, I’m Following Deontological Ethics
“If you don't do the dishes could you at least take out the trash.” Are you serious bro? Does the Categorical Imperative mean nothing to you?
“Why Am I Suddenly Obsessed with Audrey Hepburn?”: A Puberty Book for Adult Women
Amy, age 33, is starting to notice changes with her body, such as how her hands keep reaching for the same black mock neck and red lipstick when getting dressed for work each morning.
Texting Your Dad Simulator
Opening move: Roll the die. >If the number is even, share an important life update. >If it’s odd, just ask, “Hi. How are you?”