7 Mother’s Day Gifts That Mom Won’t Like or Use
Diamonds might be a girl’s best friend, but a heart-shaped blurry photo on printer paper is her other best friend.
Tag: Parents
Mother’s Day Breakfast Recipes Any Kid Can Cook
Appetizer: Meat Yogurt -- What's the one thing moms love more than fruit? Duh, it's yogurt!
New Employee Handbook for the Public Pool Snack Bar
All lifeguards are entitled to one free snack per day. In exchange, all snack bar employees are entitled to one free rescue per day. Make it count.
Hi! I’m Calling About Your Student Loan Payments, You Fucking Deadbeat Loser!
Are able to pay today? No? That seems crazy to us, because money falls out of the sky and everybody wins the lottery at least twice a year.
Ransom Note From a Kidnapper Who Just Took a Creative Writing Class
We stormed into your backyard like Viking hordes, and heaved your precious boy into a burlap sack, the rough fibers scratching his tousled hair.
Shady Hills Youth Soccer Club’s U-8 Girls Team is Not Meant to Be Fun
A 6-2 record with one game left? With five players training at Elite, we should be undefeated. Heck, we should shut out every team in this league.
A Helicopter Mom Delivers a Heartfelt Promposal
You kids have so much in common. He loves dogs, too. He just can’t be in the same room with them. He’s highly allergic. To everything.
Judging Late Night Hosts Based on If They’d Be a Good Replacement for Your Father, Now That He’s Passed Away
Who better to replace dad than a late night comedy host, who is charismatic, funny, and probably screams at their unpaid interns?
List: How I Snowplowed My Utterly Unmagical Child’s Way into the Most Prestigious School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Paying muggle coach to lie about child’s participation in West Coast quidditch team California Dobbys.
List: The Recipe to Every Meal You’ll Cook in Your First Real Apartment
Attempt to order Chinese food online. Discover credit card is maxed out. Head into kitchen with acute sense of impending doom.