Heather Ossoff’s Son Just Got Elected to the Senate—Maybe You Should Give Him a Call Some Time, Honey!
Now, I know how you feel about your mother giving you tips, but honey: he has a lifetime salary and great health insurance.
Tag: Parents
How to Get Your Son to Stop Cockfighting, While Still Being the Cool Dad
I’d become what’s known as "The Cool Dad" among David’s friends, and I was worried that coming off as anti-cockfighting would harm that reputation.
“The Toys Are Sleeping” and Other Lies I Tell My Toddler
"The cat is sleeping right now. Use your quiet voice." / He’s not, but he’s 107 in people years. Stop screaming in his face.
Your Older Cousin Jackson’s Ultimate Road Trip Tips
"When we stop for snacks, don't buy the Cookies 'N' Creme Hershey's bar. I bought one last year after my soccer tournament and it made me gag."
Mark My Words, If You Don’t Finish This Last Job, I’m Going to Kill You and Everyone You Love
Your parents’ casual acquaintances, who they always promise to make plans with but never do. Your parents’ parents, if they’re like, still around.
So You Just Realized You Have Commitment Issues
This guide is not for the kids whose parents are still friends and kiss on the cheek every time they see each other. Those kids can go to hell.
Mom, I Would Like to Watch the Cartoon Movie about Death Again
30 minutes in, dad dug his guitar out of the closet and then openly wept when he realized he had forgotten the chords to even the simplest song.
What to Do When You Catch Your Child “Playing Epidemiologist”
Remember questions from children come from bewilderment rather than an impulse to influence those in power to use policy to promote population health.
In Defense of Gap Years… Unless You Want to Hire Me
A gap year will help to make me the man I want to be. Unless you are planning to hire me, in which case: STOP READING. GIVE ME THE JOB.
Why I Decided My Housekeeper-Nanny-Therapist Doesn’t Deserve a Holiday Bonus
Ever since our housekeeper-nanny-therapist, decided she needed to “protect her mother” during what are her “last days,” things have been a wreck.
FAQ for Babysitters of Potentially Demonic Children
Playing outdoors can also be fun, but make sure to avoid unsafe areas like large bodies of water or ancient burial grounds.
What to Do if Your Mother Keeps Hinting that You, The One True Begotten Son of God, Should Really Give Her Grandkids Already
Every Chanukah for the past seven years she kept telling you she doesn't want you to buy her anything, with “BUY” and “THING” in air quotes.