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My own spider (Cecil) was like the son I never had. Actually, I have a human son, but he's been quite a disappointment to me.
Tag: Parents
Is Your Life Dysfunctional or Quirky Enough to Write a Factually Disputed Memoir?
Did you grow up in a modest house, or the suburbs, or a brownstone, or a symbolically dilapidated mansion?
I Miss the Days When Men Were Men and Women Were Something Strange and Terrible We Don’t Dare Discuss
Things were easier then. Parents were parents, children were children, and unlike today’s children, they didn’t grow into adults either.
Yes, I Replaced the Portico Columns with Colossal Pencils in Preparation for the First Day of School Photoshoot
I’ve got my iPhone ready to snap the most insane pictures of my kids, holding a blackboard with facts scrawled in elaborate chalk calligraphy.
17 Keepsakes from My Parents’ Basement That They Are “Hanging On To” Because They “Might Want” This Stuff “Some Day”
Two Boston brand faux-wood pencil sharpeners: one electric, one battery-operated, both used solely from the years 2000 to 2004.
The 5 Best Chobani Yogurt Flavors That Helped Me Beat Up My Step-Dad
I thought the mixed berry would pair well with the mix of emotions I had been feeling since my mom married her long-time boyfriend, Alfonso Matrioni.
I’m the Screaming Baby on an Airplane—It’s a Tough Crowd Here
What’s the deal with rattles nowadays? Seems to me like a poor excuse for jangly keys! Oh, wait– can someone bring me a bottle?
Please Enjoy the New Line of Parenting Books from Target Wellness
"Bitch Mom’s Top Ten Child Rearing Tips and the Cocktails to Pair with Them: with Recipes from the Hit Blog, Bitch Mom Kitch Mom"
A Tribute to My Childhood Pet, Whatever It Was
He was licking his scales clean with his tongues, when he looked up, made eye contact with me, and bared his fang. It was love at first sight.
I Hath Avenged Thy Foul and Most Unnatural Murder, But I Am Still in a Fairly Bad Place Myself
‘Twas something of a bloodbath, all told, but was this not what thou asked for? Well, Happy Father’s Day.
Did You Take Drugs from a Sketchy Dude in a Bathroom or Are You a New Parent?
When’s the last time you showered? A. Before you left for the club. B. It was a week ago and it was to cover the sound of your sobs.
How Children Remember History vs. How Their Parents Remember It
1327 AD: “I love this new “Ring Around the Rosie” Song!” vs. “I hate that schools are trying to make this bubonic plague sound fun!”