Visions I Had After Succumbing to the Madness That Befalls All Men Who Dare Drink the Milk of the Eldest Keebler Elf
If you are offered a chance to suckle at the teat of the eldest Keebler elf, I pray you heed my warning.
If you are offered a chance to suckle at the teat of the eldest Keebler elf, I pray you heed my warning.
9:15 AM – Bad news. No Bread. When I try to talk to Barry, manager Kyle swat at me and call me mean names like “noisy ass pidgeon.”
Is the desolate fucking melancholy setting in yet? That was a rhetorical question. Sorry. I need a new job.
- Ah, yeah, I got Pfizer, too. - My weekend was good! Just went to the park, socially distanced. How was yours? - AGH, OUCH! Shit. No, I’m okay.
"I only had two glasses of wine with dinner." Ah, ah, ah. Correction: you had two AND A HALF glasses of wine.
6:00 AM: VOICE AS WEAPON! Silence any interfering neighbor with necessary action.
The “Calling Your Mom a Bitch” Filibuster – If 41 senators do this at least one time, the vote is delayed for a fortnight.
Everywhere you look, soulless old demons are worshipping the man in charge. And while there is food available, all of it is from Albertsons.
Step Five: Start having doubts about your tattoo, which is looking more and more like a colorable stencil on a paper placemat for kids
I am a human from Earth, but please don't hold that against me. I believe that this is an asset, as I have witnessed what not to do with a planet
Next to me is some sort of spatula that is red and green and says “Baking Spirits Bright!” It’s July, Richard. I can’t believe this is my life now.
You know I only pick my nose because I have to. My doctor says if I don’t pick my nose, I won’t be able to breathe out of it.