An Open Letter to the Receipt I Just Got at CVS That Is Inexplicably the Length of a Goddamn Jump Rope
Would you like your receipt via text, email, or Gordian Knot full of surveys and "Extrabucks" offers you can’t throw away fast enough?
Tag: Money
The Best Ways to Make Money in 2023 If You Are a Victorian Child Ghost
Commercialize your downtime! Not needing to sleep is a HUGE advantage for you.
My Work Day, as Envisioned by the Billionaire CEO
Like our CEO wrote in his “Daily Wake-Up” email, all of our cubicles can be temples of productivity.
My High School Classmate Bought a House—It’s Haunted, but I’m Still Jealous
I think about the cold draft that likely billows through her hallways at night as I sit in this suffocating summer heat.
Sometimes My Desert Island Lair Also Doubles as a Waterpark
What, you’re surprised? Remote lairs and underground redoubts do not pay for themselves.
Final Bill for Those Concert Tickets You Ordered Online
Service Charge USD $1.60 x 3 | Service Fee USD $2.30 x 3 | Self Service Fee USD $3.90 | Order Manufacturing Fee USD $4.75
Shit! I’m Getting Sued by Barenaked Ladies Again
Why do Barenaked Ladies’ experienced lawyers continue sending me documents entitled “SLIP AND FALL LAWSUIT, THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOUR BAND”?
Introducing Men 2, the Gender for Men
Finally. A gender for men. Man 2 isn’t your GRANDMOTHER’S GENDER. Or your grandfather’s, strictly speaking.
How to Wash Your Wool Blanket in 10 Simple Steps
The wool fibers prefer an east-to-west cross-breeze coming from a north- and south-facing window.
Addressing Your Concerns About Me, Your Town’s New Superhero
No, this is not my superhero outfit. Just once you get used to Spandex it’s hard to go back to restrictive dockers.
If the IRS Wrote Thank You Notes
We wanted to let you know how deeply we were moved by your generous mandatory contribution. 30% of your base income… It was just what we wanted!
Have You Even Lived?
Eaten an Oreo without twisting it open and gnawing out the cream; just bit right into that motherfucker.