47 Corporate Buzzwords Redefined for Work-At-Home Times
Early Adopters: The line you wished you’d gotten into to get the better kids than the ones you’re in lockdown with.
Tag: Lists
11 Money Moves Every Six-Year-Old Needs to Make Today
Fund your retirement account - The best time to start investing is when you’re born. The second best time is when you’re completely potty-trained.
15 Printed Onesies Worn by Babies Who Will Eventually Struggle to Move Up Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
25% Mommy, 25% Daddy, 25% Mommy’s Yoga Coach, 15% Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Tinder Guy Who Was Into Daddy and Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Lube, 100% PERFECT ME!
How Horror Movie Villains Handled the Pandemic
Jigsaw sunk into a deep depression after realizing that no one is ever in the mood "to play a game" anymore, especially over Zoom.
Prince Hamlet or My Neglected Cactus?
Enjoys pretending to teeter on the brink of breakdown to gain physical and emotional labor from loved ones.
“PAW Patrol” Episodes That Not-So-Subtly Promote Fascism
"Pups Go Camping" - The PAW Patrol round-up protestors, immigrants, and intellectuals to take to a mandatory camp in the woods.
10 Tips to Get Him, a Climate Denier, to Notice You, a Deadly Cat 5 Hurricane
It may seem like the only offshore things he cares about are drilling and banking, but remember, you are a strong, sexy, SENTIENT storm.
Yankee Candle Scents for Fall 2020
Cabin Fever Delight - Hot dogs sizzle over a space heater because you’ve officially lost it. Time is nothing but a construct.
Other Objectively Bad Things Joe Biden Won’t End
Joe won’t end gas stations sometimes having bathrooms but sometimes definitely not, with no discernable reason why.
17 Financial Terms Redefined for COVID Times
Liquidity: How many glasses of wine Mommy will need before she can help with fifth grade math.
Are You a Leftist or a Grown-Up Character from “The Breakfast Club”?
You like dark clothing and hate anything that smacks of hierarchy, unless it’s a revolutionary army. You’re a bit of an underdeveloped trope.
Merch from Elite Colleges I Did Not Attend
My Princeton hoodie, whose drawstrings are connected to my arms, so if you pull them you can turn me into your personal puppet.