Due to the Pandemic, Our Hook-Handed Killers Will Now Be Terrorizing Teens Remotely
We will no longer attend and slaughter gatherings of more than 500 people. We will be sanitizing our hooks daily, and of course after each murder.
Tag: Environment
Rolling Stones Song, or Just Another Effect of Climate Change?
Fires Ablaze / Rain Fall Down / Carbon Dioxide High / Winter / Where Are All The Bees, Baby? / Another Polar Vortex
Retirement Planning Tips for the Climate Change Apocalypse
Try investing some of your funds in a planet that isn’t being pushed to the brink of environmental catastrophe.
Places You’ll Be While You’re Thinking About The New York Times’ “52 Places to Go in 2020” List
While Thinking About: The tropical rainforest of Rhukanrhuka, Bolivia. You'll Be: Swearing at the deli rat that scampered off with your last Funyun.
Popular Magic Crystals and Their Powers
Amethyst: The Manifestation Stone - Often used by unremarkable white men to get ahead through little to no talent of their own.
My Grandpa’s Cookie Recipe That Serves as Evidence He Was D.B. Cooper
Slowly add in the dry mixture until combined. The batter should be rough as the terrain near the Washougal River Basin in Washington state.
Literal Evergreen Humor for Literal Evergreens
Why couldn’t the palm tree go to the ski resort in Switzerland? Because it was alpine and also they are not native to the temperate climatic zone.
Dr. Seuss’s “Ok Boomer”
He is shortish and bossy, entitled and bold, / but it’s mainly important you know that he’s old.
Dirty Talk Tips to Bring Dying Houseplants Back to Life
I'm using my little green thumb to turn up the thermostat and the humidifier at the same time. Now I'm using both hands.
I’m an ENFJ, Unless You Factor in How I’ve Acted over the Last 20 Years
If we should be in the elevator together I'll be looking at my phone the whole time, but that's just because I have so many friends to keep up with.
I Am Infallible Because I’ve Climbed a Lot of Mountains
Sometimes I go off trail and just run. Sorry to that chipmunk I trampled over but I have to bag all the peaks.
Why I’m Leaving Lobbying for the Rich to Lobby for the Super-Rich
I started out as just an idealistic kid with nothing more than ambition, determination, and the portfolio of Fortune 500 clients my father gave me.