A Tribute to My Childhood Pet, Whatever It Was
He was licking his scales clean with his tongues, when he looked up, made eye contact with me, and bared his fang. It was love at first sight.
Tag: Animals
Questions a Pet Owner Asks about Puppy Bath Time or Questions My Showerhead Asks about My Bath Time
Should I be worried that she sometimes sits there with the water spraying her in the face?
I’m a Dog Architect, and Here’s Why Your Whole House Should Be Windows
With your current design, there’s no way to know if someone is approaching. I don’t think a homeowner should ever put himself in a situation like that.
Noah Says He’s Sorry for Bringing Chlamydia on the Ark
I maybe should have drawn a line on bacteria, viruses, and diseases, but God wasn’t in a very conciliatory mood at the time.
DIY Bird Feeders and Everyday US Patriots
Join our new big-name columnists for a savory summer of defining opinions. Foodie life, advice, home improvement, interviews, and horoscopes.
Are You Dating a Fuckboy or a Cicada?
- You don’t really know what he does all day. - He has a lot of defense mechanisms from his childhood. - He woos with music.
Proverbs and Idioms, Revised to Make Me Feel Better About Animals I’ve Accidentally Killed
Don’t kill the goose that lays the golden eggs, but if you did, I’m sure it was an unfortunate accident during crossbow practice.
Are You Still Working at Home with Your Cats, Or Are You Back at the Office with Your Co-Workers?
- There’s a loud chewer in the group. - They look drowsy and could fall asleep at any moment.
I’m the BBC Earth Hummingbird, and I Did Not Consent to This Use of My Image
How could I possibly have known a nine-person BBC Earth production crew was spying on me from behind the glory bushes?
Barntalk.net’s Final Blog Post: What to Do When You Find Matt Damon Preparing to Reprise His Role as “Spirit” in Your Barn
If you’ve stuck around for the past few years, we want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts, and also ask you how and why you did such a thing.
Kentucky Derby Winner or Loving Nickname for My Vagina?
Foolish Pleasure? Super Fuzz? Cave O'Wonders? No matter which way you look at it, you picked a winner.
For Sale: Gently Used Dog Food
Has been inside a dog for less than five minutes. You won't see a deal like this again!