• Eat expired sausage
  • Shoot finger guns at someone attractive
  • Write a children’s book with terrible rhyming meter
  • Join a cult


  • Put on the same underwear you wore yesterday
  • Mistake a wolf for your grandma
  • Spill a 44-oz Sour Patch Watermelon Slurpee® on your laptop
  • Touch your eyeball with a soldering gun


  • Use Sony ATH-M3 headphones in places where the inability to hear ambient sound presents a serious risk (such as at railroad crossings, train stations, construction sites or on roads where vehicles and bicycles are traveling)
  • Leak nuclear missile codes
  • Go to T.G.I. Fridays—it’s not better than you remember


  • Stop Believin’
  • Look Back in Anger
  • Worry, Baby
  • Worry, Be Happy
  • Speak
  • Let Me Be the Last To Know
  • Dream It’s Over
  • Stop Me Now
  • Stand So Close to Me


  • Pinch your chin in the clips of a bicycle helmet
  • Start a women’s e-fashion brand with a name that combines two vaguely bohemian floral, culinary, or zoic nouns (e.g., Ginger + Juniper, Peaches & Milkweed, Barn Swallow and Blueberries)
  • Buy a blimp


  • Buy a car from a guy named “Skaggsfravel”
  • Cross the road before looking both ways
  • Resort to a life of crime
  • Assist others with their oxygen masks before putting on your own


  • Accept a big wooden horse from a former enemy
  • Forget your quarter in the Aldi shopping cart
  • Pay a locksmith $95 before checking to see if the car keys are in your coat pocket
  • Make a deal with the devil
  • Touch that dial because 102.5 KWR will be right back with the best of the '90s through today