Top 10 Grown-Up Salary Jobs You Can Excel at While Simultaneously Homeschooling Your Children, Allowing Time for Things like Sleep

Maybe you should have married into more money because it turns out teaching IS its own job: a 2020 "In-the-Time-of-Coronavirus" jobs list.

10. None

9. Not a One

8. Nope

7. Not That One

6. Or This One Either

5. Worth a Shot, But No

4. Not The One In a Box

3. Not Even the One for Fox

2. There Are No Jobs Like This

1. Quantum Physicist Able to Bend Time Back Onto Itself

Bees transition from absolute monarchy to a constitutional democracy. The Queen exists only for ceremonial purposes.

The office toilet backing up is probably not the best use of The Dark Knight's time.

If spotted, DO NOT CHASE. Instead, acknowledge his beauty, respectfully. Obviously all dogs are beautiful, but he’s a stunner.

Upon being assigned your case, they don’t ask how you want to plead, they ask if you were introduced in the first or second act.

Readers will be delighted, frightened, and enlightened, though a few will want to skip a certain scene—you’ll know which one.

I’m really excited to get to know you better! Where do you live? What are your hobbies? What are you eating right now?

But now, a poor approximation of Jean Marie that looks similar to a haunted Victorian child is disfiguring the thighs of her two living legacies.

And his use of my signature catchphrase, “Smell you forever because you stink that bad.” I knew I should have had that copyrighted.

Some part of my subconscious is absorbing everything though, right?