Eight Bowling Alley Animations That I Regret Making for PinBuddies Entertainment Between 2000 and 2010
Later I realized the pins shouldn’t have had an extended death sequence where they struggle on the ground pleading for their life.
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Letter to My Wife After She Casually Told Me She Knew Someone Who Was Eaten by a Lion Ten Years into Our Relationship
I would think this would be first-three-date territory, even. Instead, you decided to mention it a decade into our relationship.
I’m the Tall Guy Blocking Your View at a Concert, Here’s What I Want You to Know
I’ve been told that the back of my head is so soft, it's like those $10 holiday blankets you get at Target.
Aliens Exist… and They’re Freaking Babes
Atheists say there are no higher powers, but the first time you see a Neptoid’s sponges you’ll realize atheists don’t know shit.
I Don’t Feel like the Dawn Dish Soap We Fed Those Ducks Covered in Oil Really Did Anything Helpful
Every time I tried to treat one, it would start freaking out and flapping its wings trying to fly away.
I’m the New York City Marathon, and We Need to Set Some Boundaries
This is progressing faster than I can manage—remember, I’m a marathon, not a sprint.
20 Rules for Acing Every Job Interview by an “Outside the Box Thinker” on LinkedIn
Intermittently mention “The Kremlin.” Smart people discuss this often.
An Open Letter to People Who Hold Up Their Middle Finger in Instagram Photos
Did something happen between us? Did I wrong you? And if so, why bring that energy into your vacation photos?
The Assassination of Julius Caesar If It Were Reported in 2022 AD
The New York Times: Critics Say a Roman Civil War Is Coming—Others Disagree
Post-Halloween Report: My Gabba Ghoul Costume Was a Flop
"This is gonna be huge," I whispered to myself, flattening the various cold cuts dangling from my body.
Thought-Provoking Relationship Questions for Clingy Philosophers
- Which do you love more: me or your idea of me? - Would you still love me if I were replaced, piece by piece, until nothing of my original self was left?
Quiz: Are You Suffering from Main Character Syndrome?
Are your friends: A) A bunch of good guys. B) Funnier and more interesting than you, each marginalized in no more than one single and visible way.