- “This old gal’s definitely seen better days.”
- “If you listen closely, you’ll hear a symphony of underlying creaks, pops, and groans.”
- “The pros call this ‘a money pit.’”
- “You’re looking at the results of a severe lack of upkeep.”
- “The landscaping job alone is overwhelming.”
- “Unless you’ve got millions in the bank, any form of routine maintenance is downright unaffordable.”
- “The system for temperature regulation is all outta whack. Every area is wildly overheated…”
- “…yet occasionally there's an unpredictable chill with no traceable source.”
- “People speed up when they walk past. Neighborhood children think they’ve seen a witch.”
- “The rate of degradation is cataclysmic.”
- “So far I’ve discovered leaky pipes, weak joints, faulty plumbing, and a ruinous amount of sporadic and inexplicable gas seepage.”
- “The whole structure is deeply unsound.”
- “If you’re the kind of person who doesn’t mind a few bats in the belfry, then you’re in luck!”
- “These old bones just weren’t built to last.”
- “On the bright side, there’s clearly some underlying character and spunk here. It’s probably the only thing preventing total collapse.”
1-15: Lamenting the physical effects of aging
1-15: Home inspector describing a ramshackle fixer-upper
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