Tom Cruise springs atop a couch in his street shoes, arms to the heavens victorious, then electrocutes Oprah with his bare hands. He loved Katie Holmes that much.
Oprah stands before a giant golden box, smugly exuberant, and gifts an entire studio audience with a swarm of frenzied bees. YOU GET STUNG! AND YOU GET STUNG!
A close-up of a seriously shocked, late-90's Oprah holding her temples, slack-jawed, and then turning to look directly at the camera. She just couldn’t believe it.
Four men dressed as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles gesticulate onstage and Oprah, hair in bouffant, looks on incredulously as a young boy in a cardigan bugs his eyes out.
Milestone Birthdays (Young):
Oprah asking Beyonce what the word “Bootylicious” means.
Milestone Birthdays (Old):
Oprah in a baby blue sweater and matching wrap-around sunglasses mouthing the words “I am so damn cool.”
Oprah with ringlets, reaching toward the camera, emphatically professing her love for bread. She loves bread. She. Has. Bread. Every. Day.
A compilation of Oprah mouthing the wrong words to eight different Mariah Carey performances over a span of more than 20 years.
Oprah in black informing Stephen Colbert’s audience that the tests are back and they all have chlamydia.
Vintage Oprah chomping on a french fry like a buck-toothed rabbit.
A never-ending loop of the Oprah pee scene from The Color Purple. She doesn’t even pull it to the side!
Photoshoot Oprah with long curly hair dancing like a member of the Lollipop Guild.
Oprah screaming “YES” as she fire-walks stiff-legged across a bed of smoldering embers at a Tony Robbins’ Unleash the Power Within event.
A bubble bath envelopes Oprah’s naked body as she sips a glass of champagne in questionable ecstasy. This is called “the O Face.”
Unimpressed Oprah in royal purple giving an interviewee the once-over with her eyes.
A monochromatic Oprah in brown, covering her Rachel haircut with her hands, screaming in shock.
Oprah in a 1983 audition tape, wearing a powder pink moo-moo, and explaining her name is “HARPO” spelled backwards. It makes so much sense now.
Barack Obama mortally wounded by Oprah in a lightsaber battle for most beloved black person of all time.
Oprah breathing deeply—resolutely—at an awards show ceremony, her wrists inhumanly bent backwards over her shoulders, fingers interlaced with the disembodied hand of Stedman.