My five-year-old refers to his Hot Wheels cars as his girlfriends. I can’t relate because I’ve never dated a toy that didn’t have batteries.
Me: So anyway, that’s why Jake and I aren’t talking anymore, because of that thing I said about Jason, and now it’s like where do I go from here, you know?
My Gynecologist: So, I’ll just mark “No” for sexually active then?
If you want to make sure another person loves you back, try picking a flower with an odd number of petals.
I don’t know why people knock The Pull-Out Method. It’s worked for my family for generations.
I finally figured out what horoscopes are good at predicting: which girls are single.
Catcalling generally makes me feel weird and bad, but one time I walked out of my apartment and a man gasped and exclaimed, “A beautiful woman!” in the same tone a shipwrecked sailor might use when he sees help on the horizon, and it kind of made my day.
The closest I’ve ever come to participating in an orgy is taking a Zoom call naked.