General college advice and perspective. Lost your keys? Ripped your jeans? Dropped your chili dog? Unless you're perfectly content, chances are you need to ask her something!

Column Archives | Start at: 2005, 2004, 2003

March 2005

Survival of the Drunkest | 3-9-05
If natural selection favors the strongest, fittest and smartest, then how do the drunkest of us manage to escape elimination?

Riding Out the Pain | 3-2-05
Bouncing in and out of relationships can be an emotionally damaging process. Maybe it's time you get a hobby to put it in perspective…


February 2005

Stringing Him Along | 2-23-05
What happens when a girl wants everything but the commitment? Most guys will never know, but assume it won't be a problem.

Orphantastic | 2-16-05
Faced with the task of collecting over $8.5 million in free money for charity, Nicole must decide whether thousands of orphans are worth it.

Valentine's Day Massacres: The Sequel | 2-9-05
True horror stories from last year's V-day. Lessons to be learned: never involve ‘shrooms or Germ-X hand sanitizer in your night.

Your Pain, Our Gain | 2-2-05
Prepare for the Second Annual Valentine's Day Massacre! Get warmed up with this “first love” story, then submit your own disaster.


January 2005

Cheap Dates for Cheapskates | 1-26-05
It doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg to impress your next date. Plus, amputees often experience initial difficulty performing in bed.

Sexual Semantics and Symmetrics | 1-19-05
Legal technicalities and cheating are all part of the sexual scheme. Only, one puts you in the big house, and the other in the doghouse.

1-900-AWKWARD | 1-12-05
Is phone sex a good idea for you and your significant other? Actually, there's a reason you have to pay for that stuff.

Metaphorically Screwed | 1-5-05
Got a few screws missing “up there”? Don't worry, your not shit outta luck until you let us try “tightening you up.”


December 2004

Courting Disaster | 12-29-04
When personal questions go unanswered, people's everyday lives may be at risk. Who's fault is this? Not Nicole's…

From Boring to Whoring in 4 Easy Steps! | 12-22-04
When “just being yourself” isn't enough to make guys madly attracted to you, it's time for artificial beauty to take over.

Naughty or Nice? | 12-15-04
You may think it's nearly impossible for Santa to deliver all his presents in one night, but when you filter out the naughties, it ain't so bad.

Jews and Kazoos | 12-8-04
From Jon Lovitz, to Amir, to Spock…how do the Jews manage to maintain their obsessively good looks over generations?


November 2004

Proper Hookup Etiquette | 11-24-04
Let's say you want to have hot sex with someone down the hall, but you haven't ever talked. Here's the formal introduction process.

No Comment | 11-17-04
You say you can't access our send/read feedback section? Well…umm…yeah, no comment.

Head or Tail? | 11-10-04
Getting some action isn't always as easy as flipping a coin. Otherwise we'd all have quarters for “laundry.”

ROFLMAO!! | 11-3-04
Like, OMG…there's this guy, who told his girlfriend, who told my friend, who wrote me a TXT msg, that we're TOTALLY in like with each other!


October 2004

Going Into the Closet | 10-27-04
It's every parent's worst nightmare: their child likes to have sex with members of the opposite sex. Here's how to “come clean.”

Soaking Up the Fumes | 10-20-04
What's that? You can't stop hating your ex? Don't worry, there are plenty of ancient remedies to soothe the anger.

Mutual Satisfaction | 10-13-04
Sure, she can spare you all the advice you need, but at the end of the day, who's taking care of Nicole?

Underage Speed-Breeding | 10-6-04
Oh, dreaded are the perils of 12-year-olds engaging in the next sexual revolution. Soon, parents will be ordering off the kid's menu too.


September 2004

Love and Haiti | 9-29-04
Alls fair in love and war in Haiti. At least that's what she thought, until the boyfriend moved there and caught her cheating.

Holiday in Hell | 9-15-04
So you say you're going to hell? Oh, someone else said you were? Don't worry, you have plenty of company and a new A/C unit to go.

Hugs Not Bugs | 9-8-04
Looking for an easy way to hit it off with the ladies at the beginning of the semester? Leave your insect collection at home.

Fighting Fire with Firefighters | 9-1-04
Are you sure you need dating advice? Because Nicole knows a lot about a lot of stuff. Including firemen.


August 2004

Traditional Cheater's Punishment | 8-25-04
When guys aren't able to keep a commitment, it's time to bring out the ‘ol “Stretch-a-Letch.” Yes, this is an instrument of severe torture.

Assless in Alaska | 8-18-04
Here's a sticky situation: you're stuck in Alaska, the Eskimo girls are all drunks, and your porn is getting old? Decision, decisions…

Breaking the Seal | 8-11-04
Most of us take our first drunken piss in or around a toilet. A few absent-minded women may decide the backseat of your car is better.


July 2004

The Bald and the Beautiful | 7-28-04
Ladies, the shaved look is in vogue, and I'm not talking about your legs (although that's still in too). Here are a few ways around it.

Big Decisions | 7-21-04
New college graduates face an overwhelming number of career choices and life paths. But seriously, don't overthink it.

Understanding Over-Protection | 7-14-04
Some girls just won't be bothered with the safety of latex. Guys, please try to understand she might want your baby.

Salvation for a Slut | 7-7-04
Before telling your best friend to stop whoring the block like the skank she is, you might want to let Nature take Her course.


June 2004

Fan Fiction | 6-23-04
When trying to get a member of the opposite sex to kiss you, remember the old Victorian method of “fan flirting.” Or learn it now.

Sneaking In the Backdoor | 6-16-04
This is the kind of sexual double standard question guys drool over. Don't worry, it has a happy ending.

Chicken Soup for the Pervert's Bowl | 6-2-04
When wanna-be cockstars get a little too personal, it's time to show 'em which bowl of porridge their REALLY going to get.


May 2004

Getting Her in Shape | 5-28-04
There are a lot of delicate issues when it comes to women, but none greater than weight or fitness. Learn the correct active approach.

First Impressions | 5-19-04
Readers share they're biggest turn-on's and turn-off's when meeting someone for the first time.

Exercising Restraint | 5-12-04
Just when things are going well, your long-term boyfriend wants you to sign a commitment contract. I'm assuming this is a common
problem…

Sexual Healing | 5-5-04
Learn new activities to please your man in bed and entertain him at the same time…from Amir, who takes over for Nicole this week.


April 2004

Pick-off Lines | 4-28-04
Ladies, brush up on defense tactics to keep unwanted guys from hitting on you. Guys, learn how to spot pick-off lines.

Correcting Your AIM Lovelines | 4-18-04
Tips on overcoming your drunken booty call reputation, learning the identity of your true “cyber-date,” and saying the L-word offline.

Jerking Around | 4-14-04
Male masturbation is a tough question to deal with, especially if you're female. Nicole handles it with the dexterity of a pro.

Laundry Quandry | 4-7-04
Stressed out with school? By understanding the complex “Laundry Equation,” you might find the root of your problem. Or not…


March 2004

Winning the Crippled Love Life | 3-31-04
You've already taken the first pity step to meeting women. Now how do you make your wheelchair even sexier?

Prolonging Intimacy | 3-17-04
Common problem: you've been dating for nine years and you haven't had sex. Hmmm, what to do, what to do…

Are You Homoflexible? | 3-10-04
If a guy is turned on by male weightlifting, what does this mean for his masculinity or inherent sexual preference?

The Lovetrap | 3-3-04
Guys are hard to read. Sometimes it takes a few extra measures straight out of Swiss Family Robinson to get their attention.


February 2004

Beer Today, Gone Tomorrow | 2-25-04
Does he just need a refill from the keg or is he trying to tell you something? Don't think too hard on this one.

Victim of Virginity | 2-18-04
What's holding all the ladies back big fella? You might wanna think twice about your denim fashion. (Plus random Piranha facts!)

Utter Cupidity: Valentine's Day Massacres | 2-11-04
Readers share their most embarrassing, painful and pathetic V-day stories. Prepare for the worst.

Valentine's Day Countdown | 2-4-04
Guys, find out which lines will get you slapped as you prepare for your biggest romantic challenge of the year.


January 2004

Our First Lovematch! | 1-28-04
Two lost soulmates write to the same columnist…desperately searching for the same thing. Oh the irony.

Typing Topless | 1-21-04
Imagine a world where Internet porn was in short supply… Now imagine Nicole pumping out this column topless. Therapeutic, eh?

No Strings Attached? | 1-14-04
Is there a such thing as sex without commitment? Nicole ties up some loose ends for Clarence of East Lansing, aka every college guy.

Contemplating the Callback | 1-7-04
What should you do when a short-lived relationship comes to an apparent dead halt? You might just be thinking too hard.


December 2003

“Hold the Bacon” | 12-31-03
First date dinner: is he whetting your appetite or feeding his sex drive?

Grin and Bear It | 12-25-03
Should you succumb to “being friends” with your new ex? Well, it sort of depends on your threshold for pain…

Christmas Stalking! | 12-18-03
There's never been a better time to help out a stalking sufferer.

Love Hurts, Confrontation Kills | 12-10-03
Should you tell her you love her? Will she even care? Don't torture yourself before reading these tips.

Don't Let Love Slip Through the Cracks | 12-3-03
Where are all the skinny girls? He cheated once, will it happen again? Here's to everyone down on love in the new millennium.


November 2003

Bagging Your Dream Guy | 11-26-03
Girls: subtle tips for improving your tattered, 8:30AM class appearance.

Clearing Your (Sexual) History | 11-21-03
You've obviously figured out “how to be a player,” now how do you undo that rep when it counts?

Overcoming Sobriety: The Ultimate Pre-Relationship Challenge | 11-12-03
Sure you can't remember the name of the last girl you hooked up with. But how are you going to woo her now? Simple really.

A Noble Asspiration | 11-6-03
“Anally Unsatisfied in Albion” (a college male) has a question. I wonder what it could be…


October 2003

Dating, Sex, and Other Death Sports | 10-29-03
The leading campus authority on everything dating, sex, and hookup related is now fielding your questions and requests for advice!


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