By staff writer Nicole McKaig

General college advice and perspective. Lost your keys? Ripped your jeans? Dropped your chili dog? Unless you're perfectly content, chances are you need to ask her something!

Article Archives | Start at: 2005, 2004, 2003


March 2005

Survival of the Drunkest | 3-9-05
If natural selection favors the strongest, fittest and smartest, then how do the drunkest of us manage to escape elimination?

Riding Out the Pain | 3-2-05
Bouncing in and out of relationships can be an emotionally damaging process. Maybe it's time you get a hobby to put it in perspective…


February 2005

Stringing Him Along | 2-23-05
What happens when a girl wants everything but the commitment? Most guys will never know, but assume it won't be a problem.

Orphantastic | 2-16-05
Faced with the task of collecting over $8.5 million in free money for charity, Nicole must decide whether thousands of orphans are worth it.

Valentine's Day Massacres: The Sequel | 2-9-05
True horror stories from last year's V-day. Lessons to be learned: never involve ‘shrooms or Germ-X hand sanitizer in your night.

Your Pain, Our Gain | 2-2-05
Prepare for the Second Annual Valentine's Day Massacre! Get warmed up with this “first love” story, then submit your own disaster.


January 2005

Cheap Dates for Cheapskates | 1-26-05
It doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg to impress your next date. Plus, amputees often experience initial difficulty performing in bed.

Sexual Semantics and Symmetrics | 1-19-05
Legal technicalities and cheating are all part of the sexual scheme. Only, one puts you in the big house, and the other in the doghouse.

1-900-AWKWARD | 1-12-05
Is phone sex a good idea for you and your significant other? Actually, there's a reason you have to pay for that stuff.

Metaphorically Screwed | 1-5-05
Got a few screws missing “up there”? Don't worry, your not shit outta luck until you let us try “tightening you up.”


December 2004

Courting Disaster | 12-29-04
When personal questions go unanswered, people's everyday lives may be at risk. Who's fault is this? Not Nicole's…

From Boring to Whoring in 4 Easy Steps! | 12-22-04
When “just being yourself” isn't enough to make guys madly attracted to you, it's time for artificial beauty to take over.

Naughty or Nice? | 12-15-04
You may think it's nearly impossible for Santa to deliver all his presents in one night, but when you filter out the naughties, it ain't so bad.

Jews and Kazoos | 12-8-04
From Jon Lovitz, to Amir, to Spock…how do the Jews manage to maintain their obsessively good looks over generations?


November 2004

Proper Hookup Etiquette | 11-24-04
Let's say you want to have hot sex with someone down the hall, but you haven't ever talked. Here's the formal introduction process.

No Comment | 11-17-04
You say you can't access our send/read feedback section? Well…umm…yeah, no comment.

Head or Tail? | 11-10-04
Getting some action isn't always as easy as flipping a coin. Otherwise we'd all have quarters for “laundry.”

ROFLMAO!! | 11-3-04
Like, OMG…there's this guy, who told his girlfriend, who told my friend, who wrote me a TXT msg, that we're TOTALLY in like with each other!


October 2004

Going Into the Closet | 10-27-04
It's every parent's worst nightmare: their child likes to have sex with members of the opposite sex. Here's how to “come clean.”

Soaking Up the Fumes | 10-20-04
What's that? You can't stop hating your ex? Don't worry, there are plenty of ancient remedies to soothe the anger.

Mutual Satisfaction | 10-13-04
Sure, she can spare you all the advice you need, but at the end of the day, who's taking care of Nicole?

Underage Speed-Breeding | 10-6-04
Oh, dreaded are the perils of 12-year-olds engaging in the next sexual revolution. Soon, parents will be ordering off the kid's menu too.


September 2004

Love and Haiti | 9-29-04
Alls fair in love and war in Haiti. At least that's what she thought, until the boyfriend moved there and caught her cheating.

Holiday in Hell | 9-15-04
So you say you're going to hell? Oh, someone else said you were? Don't worry, you have plenty of company and a new A/C unit to go.

Hugs Not Bugs | 9-8-04
Looking for an easy way to hit it off with the ladies at the beginning of the semester? Leave your insect collection at home.

Fighting Fire with Firefighters | 9-1-04
Are you sure you need dating advice? Because Nicole knows a lot about a lot of stuff. Including firemen.


August 2004

Traditional Cheater's Punishment | 8-25-04
When guys aren't able to keep a commitment, it's time to bring out the ‘ol “Stretch-a-Letch.” Yes, this is an instrument of severe torture.

Assless in Alaska | 8-18-04
Here's a sticky situation: you're stuck in Alaska, the Eskimo girls are all drunks, and your porn is getting old? Decision, decisions…

Breaking the Seal | 8-11-04
Most of us take our first drunken piss in or around a toilet. A few absent-minded women may decide the backseat of your car is better.


July 2004

The Bald and the Beautiful | 7-28-04
Ladies, the shaved look is in vogue, and I'm not talking about your legs (although that's still in too). Here are a few ways around it.

Big Decisions | 7-21-04
New college graduates face an overwhelming number of career choices and life paths. But seriously, don't overthink it.

Understanding Over-Protection | 7-14-04
Some girls just won't be bothered with the safety of latex. Guys, please try to understand she might want your baby.

Salvation for a Slut | 7-7-04
Before telling your best friend to stop whoring the block like the skank she is, you might want to let Nature take Her course.


June 2004

Fan Fiction | 6-23-04
When trying to get a member of the opposite sex to kiss you, remember the old Victorian method of “fan flirting.” Or learn it now.

Sneaking In the Backdoor | 6-16-04
This is the kind of sexual double standard question guys drool over. Don't worry, it has a happy ending.

Chicken Soup for the Pervert's Bowl | 6-2-04
When wanna-be cockstars get a little too personal, it's time to show 'em which bowl of porridge their REALLY going to get.


May 2004

Getting Her in Shape | 5-28-04
There are a lot of delicate issues when it comes to women, but none greater than weight or fitness. Learn the correct active approach.

First Impressions | 5-19-04
Readers share they're biggest turn-on's and turn-off's when meeting someone for the first time.

Exercising Restraint | 5-12-04
Just when things are going well, your long-term boyfriend wants you to sign a commitment contract. I'm assuming this is a common
problem…

Sexual Healing | 5-5-04
Learn new activities to please your man in bed and entertain him at the same time…from Amir, who takes over for Nicole this week.


April 2004

Pick-off Lines | 4-28-04
Ladies, brush up on defense tactics to keep unwanted guys from hitting on you. Guys, learn how to spot pick-off lines.

Correcting Your AIM Lovelines | 4-18-04
Tips on overcoming your drunken booty call reputation, learning the identity of your true “cyber-date,” and saying the L-word offline.

Jerking Around | 4-14-04
Male masturbation is a tough question to deal with, especially if you're female. Nicole handles it with the dexterity of a pro.

Laundry Quandry | 4-7-04
Stressed out with school? By understanding the complex “Laundry Equation,” you might find the root of your problem. Or not…


March 2004

Winning the Crippled Love Life | 3-31-04
You've already taken the first pity step to meeting women. Now how do you make your wheelchair even sexier?

Prolonging Intimacy | 3-17-04
Common problem: you've been dating for nine years and you haven't had sex. Hmmm, what to do, what to do…

Are You Homoflexible? | 3-10-04
If a guy is turned on by male weightlifting, what does this mean for his masculinity or inherent sexual preference?

The Lovetrap | 3-3-04
Guys are hard to read. Sometimes it takes a few extra measures straight out of Swiss Family Robinson to get their attention.


February 2004

Beer Today, Gone Tomorrow | 2-25-04
Does he just need a refill from the keg or is he trying to tell you something? Don't think too hard on this one.

Victim of Virginity | 2-18-04
What's holding all the ladies back big fella? You might wanna think twice about your denim fashion. (Plus random Piranha facts!)

Utter Cupidity: Valentine's Day Massacres | 2-11-04
Readers share their most embarrassing, painful and pathetic V-day stories. Prepare for the worst.

Valentine's Day Countdown | 2-4-04
Guys, find out which lines will get you slapped as you prepare for your biggest romantic challenge of the year.


January 2004

Our First Lovematch! | 1-28-04
Two lost soulmates write to the same columnist…desperately searching for the same thing. Oh the irony.

Typing Topless | 1-21-04
Imagine a world where Internet porn was in short supply… Now imagine Nicole pumping out this column topless. Therapeutic, eh?

No Strings Attached? | 1-14-04
Is there a such thing as sex without commitment? Nicole ties up some loose ends for Clarence of East Lansing, aka every college guy.

Contemplating the Callback | 1-7-04
What should you do when a short-lived relationship comes to an apparent dead halt? You might just be thinking too hard.


December 2003

“Hold the Bacon” | 12-31-03
First date dinner: is he whetting your appetite or feeding his sex drive?

Grin and Bear It | 12-25-03
Should you succumb to “being friends” with your new ex? Well, it sort of depends on your threshold for pain…

Christmas Stalking! | 12-18-03
There's never been a better time to help out a stalking sufferer.

Love Hurts, Confrontation Kills | 12-10-03
Should you tell her you love her? Will she even care? Don't torture yourself before reading these tips.

Don't Let Love Slip Through the Cracks | 12-3-03
Where are all the skinny girls? He cheated once, will it happen again? Here's to everyone down on love in the new millennium.


November 2003

Bagging Your Dream Guy | 11-26-03
Girls: subtle tips for improving your tattered, 8:30AM class appearance.

Clearing Your (Sexual) History | 11-21-03
You've obviously figured out “how to be a player,” now how do you undo that rep when it counts?

Overcoming Sobriety: The Ultimate Pre-Relationship Challenge | 11-12-03
Sure you can't remember the name of the last girl you hooked up with. But how are you going to woo her now? Simple really.

A Noble Asspiration | 11-6-03
“Anally Unsatisfied in Albion” (a college male) has a question. I wonder what it could be…


October 2003

Dating, Sex, and Other Death Sports | 10-29-03
The leading campus authority on everything dating, sex, and hookup related is now fielding your questions and requests for advice!

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