>>> Ask Nicole
By staff writer Nicole McKaig
September 1, 2004

Dear Nicole,

I dated my ex-girlfriend for four years but decided I need a break. I've dated around for a few months and realize that she's the one for me. I'm not sure if I can ever gain her trust again. Any helpful hints?


Dear Crunk,

Yes I certainly do! You know you're a firefighter when:

*You were hired by the fire department.
*You work at a fire station.
*You ride on a fire truck to the location of a fire, then help to extinguish it.

Oh, you were asking if I have helpful hints regarding your question?

No. No, I don’t.


Dear Nicole,

Can you get that Mike Forest guy to shave his retarded beard? No, I know you can, but will you?


Dear Ben,

No way…there’s a PIC rumor going around that Mike’s beard is just a cover for an underground meth operation raising money for bioterrorism. Or, it might be hiding some patches of dry skin. Either way, you can count me out.


Dear Nicole,

Want to have lesbian sex with me?


Dear Britney,

Well, okay…but I get to watch.


dear nicole,

im quite astounded by your extreme views & generalisations based on flimsy associations at best & irrelevancy derived from a grouping called paraphanaliacs & such examples of. a pedophile is someone who obtains sexual gratification from unacceptable behaviour. in the case of pedophiles its preying on childhood disposition specifically inability to comprehend fully the gross violation inflicted. a pedophile isnt motivated by an amount of body hair at all. if that were the primary motivation then it would be downright ludicrous to see children as the only option. u openly call all men pedophiles & furthermore unjustly assume all men want their women to shave them selves such. both points u illustrate with a passion that is severely misplaced ill conceived notions without a shred of evidence to support it slightly. women spend ridiculous amounts of time & money all the time and go through painful & time consuming regimes to curb hair growth and appearance when it suits them. you even have a treatment to cosmetically reduce pubic hair for vanitys sake not functionality & convenience. the very outrage you express is only equaled by your unwillingness to see true facts blatantly obvious. even if you yourself have no qualms about unsightly hair growth then you are in a minority. yet we are blatantly shown examples every day of pedophiles existing in our midst & ignored or disregarded willingly. michael jackson for example is a frighteningly obvious pedophile, with classic psychological traits & personality & behaviour & general environmental adjustment to facilitate security for the natural trust & naivety of a child. once in this trustworthy environment an immature psyche is dominated whole. this is essential to pedophiles for their own security as much as the child's. they risk exposure to others when they act. they engage in a ritual eradication of childish perception of danger or suspicion. this process is called grooming. a child will feel at ease if all their wishes are met & expect to be protected as much too. in the case of blatantly displayed examples michael jackson has a fucking fairground! yet in every mention of this in the media never refers to his use of it. he quite openly engages in outrageously bizzare behaviour to the point of singular acclaim. so that when he actually does something normal it is so bizarre for him that for me personally it is insidious. his best friend is a monkey for fucks sake, not a pet a friend. in the sense of being there instead of people with senses able to perceive unusual & suspect activity. indeed his total condemnation of the media in his video leave me alone is contradictory to his need of it & synonymous to his fear of scrutiny at the same time. his music is often pretentiously presented as a divine source of awareness for major social issues. yet sadly lacking in qualities fundamentally needed to spread this message, put bluntly it is a lack of conviction. the very defeatist vein of his earth song is pure evidence of indifference & evidently not his primary concern. it is an effort for people to be emotionally stimulated in ways by his music & his presence other than equally publicised accusations of sickeningly extreme acts of inhumanity & his equally loathsome insistence that his warped ideas of child companionship are akin to parental unconditional sacrifice. for example climbing into bed with a child on his idea & when questioned about it said we were having fun!!! why does this not strike anyone as inherently wrong as i clearly see ill never fathom. i have 2 children myself and i as their father would only get into their bed if i had totally left discipline & generally doing as they are told out of their upbringing. a child if needing this comfort is almost 100% likley to ask to get in your bed. this is the insidious nature of pedophiles. not the whimsical requests of a man asking a grown woman openly & without hidden agenda. in any case anybody is quite entitled to refuse anything at all they find distasteful at their discretion. i have a beard but im frequently bombarded with comments & the woman whose opinion is uniquely considered by myself doesnt sway me to shave it off if i couldnt be bothered for example. it doesnt mean she craves sexual relations with peach fuzzed faced young boys does it? i hope this lengthy but by no means unilateral definition & comparison has impacted at least. all this is necessary as your comments inspired me to write. cos u have a very anti male view and im being liberal with analysis there too. if u have no real hatred for men or indeed any man then you are subconsciously motivated to taint the very balance of nature. a chauvinistic neanderthal on far more obvious denunciation of masculinity would be branded a lesbian. whatever your reasons hatred channeled & generally sociopathic rejection of male integrity is worrying. i would seriously be disturbed if a woman in my social interactions exhibited this. but i came to your site in search of something else. i immediately saw you are an influential & respected individual indeed personal information is openly discussed on the world wide web with no inhibitions at all for your opinions. this trust is very powerful in manipulating ideas & thought. peoples psyche is dependant on your very words to understand why they feel resentment & dissatisfaction. this is as powerful a solution as turning to the church for example when logical process & endurance wane. they are confused as to basic human rights and this is solely the assertiveness and conviction to know what they find acceptable behaviour and conduct. people ask for opinions & advice or just feel the need to complain. this is the very existence of manipulation present in todays modern world. you have to use your influence if you can as best to spread positive messages. love, compassion, empathy, understanding and tolerance for example are primary foundations of decency & respect for every individual to exist & explore desires & fantasy, creativity & inspiration, should be encouraged, sexual motivation is no more harmful than passionate belief in a cause except when encroaching on anothers rights in any way at all. sacrifice is the key to unconditional willingness to embodiment of this true higher good that transcends all perceptions of self gain & materialistic goals. you should easily distinguish between wrong & right, yes or no, true and false as easily as the instinct to blink. resentment is the key to this ability. forgiveness & rejection of negative impulse is paramount to this. misplaced aggression is a fundamental factor in the general decay of humanity. we blame people & circumstance and are blinded by the true cause of aggression. by the time we realise we have to direct our energies elsewhere, its too late. its perpetuation is ensured and while we are trying to find it, we are defused of all outrage & protest buffers or attention deflecting tactics. this is the manipulation of perception. i have extensively researched this ever increasing blinding of the masses to the truth. i have concluded beyond all reasonable doubt that the force behind this is far deeply rooted so much that the very perception of physical laws governing our world are completely distorted. i am currently working on a book about this. i call it analysis of violence a lunatics perception. i now am free of all aggression, that is to say misplaced. my energies are now focused to making people aware of my discovery. i illustrated intricately my observations to you previously because i wanted to emphasise the fact that you are a very astute individual. i refer again to basic logic. do u for example think people tell u things because they expect to be influenced towards inherent hostility? do u really want to achieve that? yes or no? its as simple as that. if u say no then you are contradicting your very system of communication for people who use this site. unless you are inescapably evil as the driving force conspiring to destroy love itself, then i am saddened but we both know that is illogical. expenditure of energy in futile or harmful ways is damaging all points in life personally & globally. remember love not hate, feed the soul & spirituality of our world & make a difference. expend energy in the pursuit of a better world & not baseless general accusations. if u would like me to say more please say. i have for example found the root of this cancer further than religious thought & perceptions of the afterlife. i have destroyed unshakable perceptions by purely overcoming unimaginable adversity in the process. yet if i fail to even start a seed of doubt to follow this path as i have i have failed.

remember u can disagree and present evidence or argument to the contrary.


Dear Paul,

Uh huh…okay, well…how about you stay here and monitor the force behind the ever-increasing blinding of the masses so deeply rooted that the very perception of physical laws governing our world are completely distorted, and I’m gonna run grab a sandwich or something.

No, it’s okay, really. You stay here, I’ll be fine.

Note to readers: Fortunately, Paul’s bizarre, hyper-graphic rant distracted him long enough for social services to take his children into protective custody.