Scene: Our hero and his Organs ready themselves to enter the shower for some "adult time."

KC: Sex in the shower. Is there a better thing in the world?

BRAIN: Shakespeare?

Woman naked in the showerKC: Seriously, shut up.

JUNK: Being naked is awesome, but being naked with a girl is awesomer. Being naked with a girl in the shower with all the suds and water and stuff is awesomest.

KC: There we go, Junk. Finally, we agree.

MEKANECK: (KC's titanium neck, in case you forgot) *Gzzz-ert!* Remember in the hospital, after all of you met me for the first time and that nurse gave us **Dee-Doot!* a sponge bath? That too should be classified as awesome!

KC: No, that sucked.

MEKANECK: Do not compute. *Bleep-boop* You just said—

JUNK: I had a garden-hose-sized catheter you fucking abomination!

BRAIN: And that little sponge bath and everything cost us $100,000! Or would have if we didn't have insurance.

KC: And, I don't know, do you dicks remember almost DYING three times!

BRAIN: Actually, it was four, but you don't remember the other one.

EYES: She's nekkid!

JUNK: Let's fuck!

"Um, baby. We're standing and in the shower and we drink a lot of diet soda. So we're all good. Also, we're going to pull out."HANDS: I want to put soap on her boobs! Then feel them. Forever. And ever.

NOSE: Her hair smells like roses. Or girls. Or something nice.

MOUTH: Ew. That soap doesn't taste good.

KC: Mouth! Why do you always do that?

BUTT: Should I fart and give her a Turkish Oven?

KC: No. Absolutely not.

EYES: Boobs! Butts! Vaginers!

HANDS: Boobs! Butts! Vaginers!

MOUTH: Boobs! Butts! Vaginers!

JUNK: Boobs! Butts! Vaginers!

KC: Boobs! Butts! Vaginers!

OLD CLICKY: (KC's fake knee, in case you forgot) Gee wallaby whiz. Sure is hot, I think I'm going to sleep.

KC: You too. Shut up.

JUNK: Okay, that's been at least two minutes of foreplay. Put me in.

KC: Yes sir.

JUNK: Oh. My. God. I'm in Heaven.

EARS: Uh, she's saying something about getting a condom.

JUNK: Tell her to shut up.

KC: Don't say that.

EARS: She's really being insistent.

JUNK: Fuuuck. Just tell her we're safe.

MOUTH: "It's okay, baby. I'm clean. You're clean. Let's get dirty."

KC: Judas priest you're an idiot.

EARS: She's not backing down. She really wants some protection.

KC: Ummmmmm.

JUNK: Holy shit, you dumbasses. Tell her this: 1. We're standing up. 2. We're in the shower. 3. We drank a Coke Zero today. All those things make it impossible to get pregnant. What do you say, KC? Mouth?

KC: Didn't we learn all that shit in the middle school gym locker room?

BRAIN: And didn't we learn all that shit was bullshit in American public junior high school health class?

JUNK: And we'll pull out. I promise I won't screw this up. It feels sooooo true right now. Seriously, who are you going to listen to? Me, or Brain?

BRAIN: We went to public school and then Catholic high school. I'm not going to lie, our sex ed was pretty lacking.

JUNK: No shit. I'm pretty sure I read that Coke Zero makes you sterile.

MOUTH: "Um, baby. We're standing and in the shower and we drink a lot of diet soda. So we're all good. Also, we're going to pull out."

EARS: She said, "Grrrrrrrrr. Fine. Okay. Just make sure to pull out or I'll kill you. Asshole."

JUNK: …Fuck. Too late. Whatever. Seriously, I'm pretty sure standing, shower, and Coke Zero takes care of any possibility of babies. Also, isn't this a Tuesday in a Leap Year. Who cares? We're cool.

KC: And we wonder why we've been single for so long. Okay, let's pretend to orgasm again so she's not suspicious…. Now!

JUNK: Okay, pulling out…. Now!

KC: Everybody go really jiggly. Eyes, rolled backwards or something.

EYES: I already did that.

KC: Do it again! Mouth, get all groany.

MOUTH: "Grrrr."

KC: Groan, not growl. Asshole.

MOUTH: "Arrrrg."

BRAIN: Why is faking an orgasm sometimes harder than getting a real one?

KC: Just shut up and let's take a nap.

JUNK: Way ahead of you, dogg.


Tune in next time for "My Organs and I Experience a Pregnancy Scare."

More in the "My Organs and I" series:
My Organs and I Go on a First Date
My Organs and I Wake Up
My Organs and I Go to Work
My Organs and I Go to a Game
My Organs and I Hook Up (With a Girl)
My Organs and I Detox
My Organs and I Go to Work (At a Bar)
My Organs and I Drive to Denver
My Organs and I Turn 30
My Organs and I Drive to Denver
My Organs and I Snowboard
My Organs and I Sleep
My Organs and I Go on a Job Interview
My Organs and I Go to Vegas
My Organs and I Party in the ROK
My Organs and I Watch Korean TV
My Organs and I Stay at Home
My Organs and I Go to High School
My Organs and I Write an “Organs and I” Column
My Organs and I Go on a Bender