1. My friend had arranged for me to go on a blind date. When we met at the restaurant, she was reading off of the menu.
2. After anxiously waiting for hours for my package to arrive, I sat down to take a shit. Then the doorbell rang.
3. I went back to my high school reunion and the first person I saw was my ex-girfriend. She was wearing the same dress as me.
4. My boss greeted me with a "How are you?" as he walked by in the morning. Before I could catch myself, I answered, "Not much, you?"
5. My 9-year-old nephew gave me a high five and told me I was cool. It was opposite day.
6. We all raised our hands so that we could be the first one in the class to lead "21 Questions." Our teacher called on Socrates.
7. I found out on Facebook that tragedy struck a small town not in my immediate vicinity. I didn't have any friends or relatives involved.
8. My family plays a drinking game every Thanksgiving. Whenever my grandpa says something racist, we freak out because he's dead.
9. My father told my mother that if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. He's paraplegic.
10. Your friend laments how he doesn't get to spend enough time with his kids. You say, "Me, too."