Please do not read this blog entry if you are currently feeling down, depressed, sad, like you're "in a funk," or if you've missed your daily dose of Prozac or testosterone. Feel free to come back to it when you're manic or through having sex though.

Paul Frank: I just found out my friend died from Facebook. Holla. (He didn't die from Facebook, I mean I found out through Facebook. Holla.)
Me: You should poke him. That would be creepy.

This exchange got me thinking about some of the times I've gotten news that someone I know has died. It's usually so shocking that it's easy to recall exactly where I was at the time.

Here are some actual places I've been when I found out people I know have died:

  • In my room growing up (on the phone)
  • In my dorm room (on the phone)
  • At the grocery store (on the phone)
  • At my apartment (on the phone)
  • On a sidewalk (someone yelled at me)

Here are some places I would not recommend being when you find out someone you know has died:

  • At their funeral
  • Underwater
  • Right next to them in a burning building
  • In a holding cell
  • On an airplane
  • At the library

Here are some actual things I've said upon finding out people I know have died:

  • Oh man, I can't believe that.
  • What? Are you serious?
  • Oh my god, that's so sad.
  • HE DIED??!
  • What? How did that happen??

Here are some thing I would not recommend saying upon finding out someone you know has died:

  • Uhh, can I still get my DVD back?
  • What happened? NO, HOLD ON LEMME GUESS!!
  • And…
  • Well that really burns my butt… fuck it, I'm gonna get the XXHOT wings today.
  • Hey, you're breaking up, just text me later.

You know that nostalgic feeling you get when you find out someone who you were kinda sorta friends with died? Like you're not really full-blown sad, you just kind of miss the few fun times you had with them or wish you could've hung out more?

Yeah, well I decided to make a list of nostalgic crap that's no longer around to re-create that feeling.

Go ahead and picture a late acquaintance to get in the mood if you'd like….

Okay, here we go:

Reebok Pumps
Garbage Pail Kids
Troll Dolls
Teddy Ruxbin
The roller skating rink (especially the part where you would slap hands with people standing around the edge or skate backwards with a girl, except only that one popular douche ever got to do that PLUS makeout with her)
Vanilla Ice
She-Ra and He-Man
Fraggle Rock
My Little Pony
Lite Brite
Easy Bake
Pop Rocks
Home Alone
Koosh balls
Double Dare (especially the BK Diamond Cell shoes prize)
Hammer pants
Kris Kross
Baseball cards (especially when you were able to break up your friends set)
Ranking your best friends in order
Those oragami things girls made to reveal your destiny
Getting "steps" on your sideburns

Whew, who's up for a warm bath and some hot chocolate?