1. If you peel the label off of a beer bottle, you are sexually frustrated.

Even on my best hookup streaks I've caught myself peeling the label off a beer bottle. The funny thing is, I'll then think to myself, “Wait a second, I'M NOT SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED!” And then I'll stop peeling the label. This is an example of how a myth psychologically perpetuates itself through intimidation.

2. Beer before liquor, never been sicker.

Oh believe me, I've been sicker. Liquor before beer, liquor after liquor, beer after beer after beer, beer mixed with liquor, beer as a chaser for liquor…as soon as you reach 15 drinks, it really doesn't make a difference in what order you drank 'em, you're going to be sick the next morning.

3. If you're up 'til 5am studying for an 8:30am exam, it's better not to sleep.

That's like saying, if you're 15 minutes late to an exam, you might as well not take it. Look, something is always better than nothing. Trust me, there's nothing more frustrating than intentionally giving in to sleep in the middle of an important exam because keeping your eyes open has become akin to lifting free weights.

4. Your GPA is important.

No, it's not. Unless you're competing for some executive level management position against 200 other Harvard graduates (which, let's face it, you're not), a potential employer will never ask for your GPA.

5. Your GPA is not important.

It is. Especially if you want to get into med school or law school, although just about every grad school will evaluate your GPA. Not going to grad school? See previous myth.

Join upcoming November classes in Satire Writing, Sketch Writing, and Stand-Up Joke Writing.