I thought I was above all these people. I'm not a freak. I'm not poor. Well, I am, but it's college poor. But, come on, I'm not weird as fuck. Well, I am, but it's because I'm a comedian or whatever.

Seriously, why am I even debating this? I'm way above all these people. It's what I've been telling myself every single time I've walked in this store the past 10+ years.

But I've come to the shocking realization that I am no better than the other people who shop at Wal-Mart.

I've become…….I've become…one of them.

I, Paul Frank, am a Wal-Mart customer.


Hi, my name is Paul Frank, and I'm an alco- …. Wal-Mart customer.

Are there support groups for this? Wal-Mart Shoppers Anonymous?

Please, I need help.

I thought even though I watch The People's Court, I'm still not one of them. I thought even though lately I've gone to McDonald's ALOT, I still wasn't like those people.

But, I don't know, the recession, being in college, I go to Wal-Mart to cash my $40 paycheck because I overdrafted at my bank so they won't cash it there but then Wal-Mart denies me after I put in my Social Security number, and suddenly I've hit rock bottom.

Fuck my life, I don't just shop at Wal-Mart, I am a Wal-Mart customer.