Ben: Dude, I don't want to sit around listening to Karaoke. I want to hang out with my friends and catch up.
Dave: Catch up with what? Nothing changes. I mean, look around you. Your brother's still a dork, you're still a fuckup and Nate's still a dick. Bam. You're caught up.
Ben: Wow, that was quick.

Last night, two people (besides me) crashed in my apartment and they were both men. I don't think that's ever happened in my humble abode. Fortunately for me, I know both of them well.

Last night I picked up my old friend Ben and his brother Dan at the airport. Both of them flew into Tampa from their respective Iowa and California homes to celebrate Ben's birthday.

We stayed out too late, drank too much, made fun of each other a great deal and laughed heartily. Hanging out with these old friends of mine was, to borrow a phrase from the great philosopher Forrest Gump, “like olden times again.”

Humor writers have to get their humor from somewhere because funny doesn't exist in a vacuum, not even a funny vacuum, and so it is for selfish reasons that I miss having Ben around. He either inspired or helped several pieces of mine, including some of my most popular. The Evolution of the Whore and To Do List for the Women of America would never have happened if not for the existence and influence of Ben. For that I am eternally grateful, as without those two pieces, I probably would have never received a single death threat. (Writers love death threats?they let us know we're reaching the people).

After Dan, Ben and I stumbled home, I went to bed (because I had to work today) and they stayed up and did whatever the hell it is that two brothers do alone in a friend's apartment.

When I woke up to take Ben to pick up a rental car before work, I noticed that my oven was on, which is odd because I never use my oven (but it's nice to know that it works). Ben and I had the following conversation as a result.

Me: Dude, you left the oven on.
Ben: Shit. I thought I shut it off. Is it hot?
Me: Of course it's hot. It's on.
Ben: Oh well then, you want some pizza?
Me: No dude.

After finishing up my day at work, I drove home and walked into my house, which smelled like coffee.

A cursory glance at my miniature kitchen revealed that the Brothers Aloof had left my coffee pot on.

And I didn't even get pissed because well, it's just good to have them around again.

Even if they're probably gonna end up burning the fucking place down.