SAN FRANCISCO – The search-engine titan Google has reportedly offered a deal to provide wireless to the city of San Francisco. The deal is said to cost the city itself nothing as Google intends to foot the bill. The proposal affords numerous financial advantages for the city's infrastructure. “We loved the suspension provided for the Golden Gate, but who needs it now that we’re going wireless?” says Cooper McWorthing, a resident of the bay area.

Of course, Google is not alone in the competition to provide wireless contracts to metropolitan areas. Earthlink has also began discussions with the city of Philadelphia amidst outcry from the cable and phone lobbies. Other techno-giants such as Sun Microsystems and Microsoft have also been surging in their race to acquire lucrative city contracts.

In related news, Apple Corp. has reportedly made bids to buy New York City itself to compliment its upcoming product-enlargement program. Rather than continue making products smaller, the company has shifted to larger goals, such as increasing 4th Quarter profit growth and world domination. The company intends to run the “Big Apple” much like a giant iPod. No word yet on what matching accessories come with the purchase.