As an attorney who has engaged in unprotected pro-bono work for the majority of my career, I can tell you that I would like to take your case, and to deliver you satisfaction right there in the courtroom; on the desk of the District Attorney, if need be.

I will begin by gathering the general details in a vague but not unappreciative way. Then, moving to the essentials of the case, I will introduce legal terminology so precise it cannot help but moisten your body. Listen to me now sweetheart: we are going to win this thing, and I will do it how I like, hard, pro-bono.

This pro-bono work isn't for everybody. A lot of guys on my side just can't perform in the clinch. We got this kid from Harvard: nice thick chest, good abs, drinks like a Russian, but he gets all weak in the knees right before climax of the trial. Then there are some clients who look away when I take out my member of the state bar qualifications. But I get the sense that you and I can make love a part of this boring legal work.

I practice pro-bono because for me the experience is even more satisfying than the paycheck. But don't get me wrong; I make sure all the standard medical issues are in order. I am fully insured. I've got a wife and two kids to think about. But look, that doesn't mean I can't break you off a piece of my time.