Wow… that guy right in front of me? The one walking like he’s got someplace important to be, but knows they won’t start until he gets there? Man, he is just the right height. Probably tells people he’s 5’10” but really he’s closer to 5’11”. I can easily tell that. So can everyone.

Look at that posture! It’s not, like, perfect, but definitely fine, and not at all likely to cause long-term spinal damage. Or if so, even better. I respect a man willing to live in the here-and-now.

Slim, too. Definitely plays tennis in his free time. He’s got a killer forehand, which I can discern by his toned right tricep. Hope he’s as proud of that tricep as he should be.

Pants are just tight enough. Tricky one to get right these days, but he nails it.

Ouch—he just got stuck behind a large family of tourists. I can see his fists clenching but otherwise, he’s not letting his frustration show. Props to him for keeping his cool. As a child, I bet he used to throw tantrums over the slightest inconvenience, but now look at him. Just walking behind the tourists a little too closely and audibly sighing in exasperation. Such maturity! Such poise.

Damn, I’d sure like to see his front. But I’ll take what I can get. Maybe he’ll check for cars at the next intersection so I can get at least a hint of face.

Shirt looks soft.

Wish I could feel how soft it is.

Ooh, check out the way he’s struggling to untangle the earbuds he just pulled from his pocket. No AirPods for this guy! He’s old-fashioned, traditional, alluringly masculine. This is clearly a choice he is making, not a reflection of how he makes minimum wage and blew his most recent paycheck on a DVD box set of The Wire.

His sneakers are kind of beat up, but that just shows he’s a man of values, of integrity. He doesn’t concern himself with superficial trifles like fresh new sneakers, no sir. He prefers to let his personality shine for itself. Everyone respects him for this.

From the back, his haircut is totally normal. From the front, I bet it’s even more normal. Not overly trendy—a timeless look. Maybe a little shorter than he likes it, if we’re being honest, but give it a week or two and watch out! He’s playing the long game. He’s a canny operator.

Still untangling those earbuds, huh. I admire a man who takes his time.

Cool neck.

Bet he’s got a kind, beautiful girlfriend, with a neck like that.

Ah! Earbuds in. What trendy music could this man be about to enjoy, which vitally important podcasts? Maybe he’ll opt for the new mix of his own band’s upcoming single. I bet he’s the lead singer. He carries himself like someone who landed Danny as a sophomore in his high school’s production of Grease.

Quiet—he’s speaking. “Hey, Mom”? Simply divine! Just an independent, confident guy with a normal- shaped butt, who always makes time to stay connected to the woman who raised him. They’ve got a great relationship. He probably calls her every day, just to make sure she’s doing okay with the empty nest. I can feel myself getting inspired to be a better child to my own parents, thanks to the devoted son walking in front of me.

Wow, deep voice he’s got. Definitely the lead singer.

What luck—he’s turning! A glimpse of strong jawline, a sniff of prominent but not overwhelming nose. This must be his apartment (excellent location). He nods to the doorman, offers a smile and a pithy greeting. Friend of the common man! Hero! Saint!

What a fine, normal young man. I will be thinking about him for the rest of the week.