Friends and family, are you looking for your next opportunity? Well, allow me to introduce you to Dream BuildersTM! I’m looking for a few lucky folks (wink, wink, it could be you!) to join me in building this fast-growing company, and also a giant tomb for our mighty and powerful Pharaoh. I know it may look like we’re stacking massive, heavy blocks in the desert to house our Pharaoh’s body and all of his many worldly possessions, but let me be the first to tell you, this is anything but a pyramid scheme!

Dream BuildersTM started with a radical idea: The idea that if we all work together, we can achieve anything! Specifically, a huge, triangular crypt for Pharaoh and Pharaoh alone, through which he will transcend into the afterlife. We’ve got a unique company culture grounded in something we call “The Hustle,” which refers to hauling horse-sized blocks across the desert all day every day, or else. As our company mantra says, “The only way to get to the top is to hustle.” No one’s entirely sure if we’re talking about the metaphorical “top” or the literal top of this pyramid we’re building, but either way, it’s a message we can all get behind.

Look, anyone who thinks this company is just a pyramid scheme is obviously missing the bigger picture. Sure, the picture in this situation is of a pyramid, but if you zoom in a little you can see me smiling from ear to ear because I’m part of something bigger than myself. Pharaoh always tells us that if we recruit enough laborers and put in enough blood, sweat, and tears, we could build one of the biggest, most successful pyramids of all time! And he definitely means the physical kind, not the scheme-y kind.

Everyone knows the easiest way to spot a pyramid scheme is by their extravagant prizes, like fancy new chariots and free vacations for their top earners. I personally have never been offered any prizes, time off or compensation to speak of, so obviously, the only pyramid being built here is the in-progress pyramid behind me.

I think the best thing about working for Dream BuildersTM is the opportunity to connect with so many people, like the guys shackled to my left and to my right in the assembly line. Actually speaking to each other is forbidden, but brick-by-brick, we’ve built a solid relationship of trust. For example, I’ve dropped the brick on the guy on my left’s foot at least three times, and yet, he still keeps handing me bricks.

There’s this fascinating story Pharaoh tells us about how, when he started out, he was just like us. But he joined Dream BuildersTM, worked hard and recruited tons of laborers, and eventually worked his way up to Pharaoh. And one day, we could too! The most fascinating part of the story is always his maniacal laugh at the end. Sometimes he can’t even make it through the whole story without cracking up. What a ham, that guy.

Did I mention that I’m my own boss? That’s right, I’m a slave to no one but the hustle! And Pharaoh, of course, but who isn’t, you know? I mean, just yesterday when one of Pharaoh’s guards commanded me to move faster, I said “Of course, commander,” instead of “Yes, commander.” If that isn’t freedom, I don’t know what is.

As a team member at Dream BuildersTM, I also have part ownership in the company. Take a look at that block over there. No, not that one, the other one. 85 up and 17 across. See that red smudge? That’s from where my hands starting bleeding onto the block I was carrying, and I think most people would agree, that means I own it now.

At this point, you’re probably asking yourself, “How can I join the Dream BuildersTM team?” Lucky for you, we’ve got a special promotion happening right now! Sign up to join our crew of like-minded slave hustlers today, or I’m legally obligated to report you to Pharaoh. Sorry, dude. Contrary to what I said before about “being my own boss,” I don’t make the rules here.

If you’ve still got doubts, I’d invite you to take a gander at our glorious pyramid, a shining example of what’s possible when everyone except Pharaoh works together for the greater good of only Pharaoh. Does that sound like a pyramid scheme to you?