Woah. It just occurred to me while I was weed-whacking the backyard and raking up a pile of leaves that I’m suffering from a dizzy spell. I oughta sit down before I keel over. And do you hear that noise? It’s like some sort of chirping or ringing in my ears. It won’t stop.

What?! You said you don’t hear it? Sorry, it’s so loud I can barely hear anything else.

I hate to do it but I don’t think I can finish the rest of the yard work. Yeah, this is going to have to wait. I don’t know how long but I definitely need to get off my feet for the rest of today. I shouldn’t put a timeline on it. If I rush my recovery I could return to the yard work still not feeling quite myself.

I think I can muster up just enough strength to go put the gardening tools away but that’s about it. Just give me a second while I try to stand up. Woah. Woah! Agh. Hold on, I keep losing my balance. Sorry to hold you up, you can get a head start on it and I’ll meet you out there. Yeah, I think it’s this Havana syndrome that’s been going around. You haven’t heard?

Yeah, its origin is completely unknown. The theory is that Cuban spies would mess with American spies and other government officials when they visited Cuba by using radiation technology. Some report having cluster headaches or experiencing dizziness. All I know is that the symptoms match up with what I’ve experienced when I was lifting those heavy hedge shears and gathering broken tree branches.

In fact, when I was pushing the lawnmower up the hill I thought I could hear a high pitched buzzing from a ray gun pointed at my head.

I don’t think it’s anything to worry about getting worse. From what I understand it’s something you sort of have to wait out. In the meantime, I might be able to sit inside and watch Star Trek in order just to keep my mind occupied. Yeah, it should be pretty boring. I’ll probably start from the beginning with the original series and go from there.

I plan to finish the original series and then go on to others, but I just hope I can one day finish what we started out in the yard. Some report that flare-ups occurred weeks, even months after the first episode. Sure, I can finish off a few different Star Trek series back-to-back easily during my recovery but I won’t be able to lug around heavy equipment in the hot sun every weekend. It is such a shame.

I know it sounds weird that it's suddenly happened to me seeing that I’m not a government official—at least that you know of—and I’ve never been to Cuba and I’m not Cuban and I have no connections to anyone of significance in either government. Though I will say “the Cuban” is my favorite type of sandwich, second only to the Reuben. It’s true, everyone knows I like the pickles and the mustard and, oh, you can’t forget the ham. Probably painted a bright red target on my back by having such a deep love for Cuban sandwiches. Wish I could help it!

Yep, haven’t had one in ages though. Maybe this whole thing is a sign that I need to eat one to restore my health. Couldn’t hurt to try it. It’s worth a shot, I really have nothing to lose. I’m guessing you wouldn’t mind getting me a Cuban sandwich from the cafe down the street and bringing it back, would you? If I went, the motion sickness I’d get in the car would be catastrophic.

Whatever you’re up for. It’s a huge favor to ask. Don’t worry about it. Unless you’re worried about it, in which case it’s really a small request when you consider how much help I’ll be once I’m back to 100% strength. I would give you my wallet but it’s in my pocket and I don’t know if this thing is contagious or what. All I know is I’ll be out for the rest of the day eating my sandwich—side of sweet plantains—and watching Star Trek: The Original Series to keep me entertained in this trying time.

All right, well, I guess I’ll see you when you get back from retrieving my sandwich and then again after you’ve finished all the yard work. And to think we just started doing it right when it hit me. Ugh! That really stinks.

I would kill to have had it hit me when we were almost done but you can’t control these things. Life is unpredictable. One moment you’re fixing up the perimeter fence and filling in gopher holes, the next you're inside with a cool towel on your head watching TV and eating a delicious sandwich because that’s what the doctor recommends. Oh well. My loss.

If the doctor recommended hard labor for a problem like this, we’d be done in no time!

But hey, maybe the meal and the entertainment will help me bounce back quicker than I thought if I really stick to it and eat and watch as much as I can. Maybe I’ll bring my rollie chair into the backyard and I can pull a few weeds from a seated position or something. The hill is pretty steep so it might be difficult. It’s up to you, do you want me to overexert myself outside and really tempt my case of Havana syndrome or stay in here and rest up? It’s your choice. What do you think? Am I exaggerating or do you believe me? Well, which is it?


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