1. He insists on going to the only restaurant within a 20-mile radius that has hummus, then stares lovingly at it and when eating, makes serious eye contact with you while occasionally muttering, “yum, yum, yum.”
  2. Tries to order hummus at every restaurant on the lunch rotation and when told they don’t have it, indignantly asks, “why not?”
  3. Picks at a nonexistent stain on his pants, laughs, and says, “must be hummus.”
  4. Tells you an exhaustingly long story about the time he tried to get his Aunt Mae from Branson, Missouri to try hummus.
  5. Wears an Israeli flag lapel pin to work and keeps looking down at it when talking to you. When you don’t acknowledge the pin, he slips it off, drops it on the floor, and says, “gosh dang it, I dropped my lapel pin with the flag of the only democracy in the Middle East.”
  6. Insists on updating you on the adorable antics of his labradoodles, Golda and Shimon, and his cat, David Ben-Furryon.
  7. In an uncomfortable attempt at male bonding, confides to you that his nickname for his penis is “Ari.”
  8. Carves “IDF” into a plate of hummus with a fork then says, “oh, will you look at this, 42 years old and still playing with my food. What would Gram Grams say?”
  9. When you walk past his office, he gets your attention and points at his framed photo of the Western Wall and says, “they don’t make walls like they used to, eh?”
  10. Suddenly begins referring to his son, Benjamin, as “Bibi.”
  11. Tells you with a conspiratorial wink that his wife would kill him if she knew he said this, but he thinks Jessica from Accounting is “hotter than the Negev in August.”
  12. Asks you what your favorite country beginning with the letter “I” is. When you say “Iceland,” he first looks confused, then laughs hesitantly, then starts shoveling hummus into his mouth with alarming speed.
  13. When you finally take the bait and tell him that you think Israel needs to end the Occupation, he is absent from work for a week afterward.

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