Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
A boring dentist might have lame-shit flavors like “mint,” but I offer X-treme fluoride sponsored by Mountain Dew.
Visit The Zoo: The animal kingdom accepts open displays of weeping.
So a few quick tidbits about where things are. From here your room is left, left, right, right, left, right, left, right.
In the beginning, my friends didn’t want to come over and play, saying that my new games were “weird” and “hard to play” and “haunting.”
Clapping is the least we can do to show our appreciation that we didn’t end up pancaked against the side of a mountain.
You Can Mention Frankie Muniz, But Don’t Harp on It: This feels like an obvious one but it is worth mentioning.
On the off chance that something goes wrong tonight, one bridesmaid is currently secured at an undisclosed location.
I don’t take edits: Hey, you’re a fan of mine. Isn’t this the kind of audacity that drew you to my work in the first place?
I blew my advance on a fully-loaded Bugatti Veyron Linea Viviere (MSRP $2.3 million), as well as a series of bespoke leather shirts.
Our goal is that incoming demons feel terrified and resentful as we prepare them for a dark future of inflicting l pain upon mortals.
If the deer flares its nostrils, it means that when you debut a new outfit, at least two people will notice and compliment you on it.
From the moment that Santa delivered Moo Moo to you under the artificial Christmas tree, Moo has felt smothered.